vigilante shit

so i started talking to someone - a guy. not in romantic kinda way, but more like a friend. a thoughtful one. about the daily struggle with our special son, he has one too. it makes me feel better, like a hell lot better. like i'm not alone. like somewhere somehow someone is suffering too, just like me. so i don't need to talk to you anymore. you don't have to say i "complained" too much anymore - when all i ever wanted is someone to talk to. you don't have to gaslight me that i'm not a good mother. you don't have to convince me that i'm useless. i know i'm not any of that - i just don't have to listen to you. have you ever done something just because you hate someone so much? like you just do what they want because then - you don't have to deal with them anymore. well, suck it. cos in the end - you just gotta do what you gotta do. you and your stupid ridiculous brain cells can go eat shit and die for all i care. 

what a shame she's fucked in the head - they said.

how do you stay with someone who doesn't give a fuck? well, starting from this moment, i won't bother telling you things. you won't hear shit from me. you won't know shit about me. no complaining, no nothing. i'll go on with my life as i pleased, i don't need you. i don't need your stupid opinion, i don't wanna know your thoughts, i don't wanna listen what you have to say. i stopped loving, i stopped caring, i honestly already gave up on you - long time back. whatever you got from me, just know it's all pretend. i'm pretending the fuck outta my life. heck, i won't even argue any of your ridiculous shit. you do you. to each their own. 

for the hope of it all

i am so alone i often have this imaginary boyfriend in my head. whenever everything sux in this real world - which basically all the time - i'll have my beloved boyfriend takes me to all the nice places. it was good, kept me going - at least. kinda pathetic tho but it's okay. it's just all in my head. nobody has to know. he's all mine to indulge... mine. the rest of the world might just fuck off, idgaf.