maybe i should give up :(

" ucapkanlah kasih, satu kata yang ku nantikan. sebab ku tak mampu membaca matamu, mendengar bisikmu.. "

rindu boleh takkk.

hey papa bear. i miss you a lot yesterday. and i miss you a lot and a lot lot more today. and i'm so gonna be missing you very very much tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the day after that, and after that, and yeah. i miss you :( kenapa you kena pergi tour, and kenapa i kena balik malaysia? why lah, huu.

won't hurt a little bit. boy, better get used to it. you can keep talking, but baby, i'm walking away.

" but i'm just a man, you know how we are, i don't wanna be involved -- it's not my fault. "

it's like you're only thinking about yourself. it's just you, you, you and no one else. so take this responsibility -- you shoulda put something on.

BOYS JUST COME AND GO LIKE SEASONS :D

to chase or to be chased? both are equally nice, so yeah -- i couldn't care less. but hey little momma, i don't wanna take your man :)

sometimes you just have to shut the fuck up, bite your lips, fake a damn smile, and walk away.

ONE DAY.

one day, you'll see me -- but only when you're dreaming. one day, you'll say i was the one :D

mamita por favor T_T

balik hometown dengan impian nak kurus. konon pergi jogging petang-petang lah kan. tapi dah kalau sambil duduk makan, sambil baring makan, sambil lepak makan, sambil tengok wayang makan, sambil tengok tv makan, sambil cakap-cakap dengan mama makan, sambil dalam kereta makan, sambil main pet society makan, sambil update blog makan, sambil makan pun maseh terasa nak makan -- besar kemungkinan dalam jangka masa sepurnama akan datang, saya akan bertukar menjadi sebiji bola gergasi, atau belon udara, atau pun tong drum, atau mungkin juga sebuah tangki kapal selam. YA AMPUN PLEASE DONG TAKKK.


SEDAP MACAM FUCK WEH. YUP SAYA SUKA SWEAR ; KALAU TAK SUKA CENSORED SENDIRI, TAK RAJIN LAH.

boom boom boom boom, i wanna go boom boom :)

everything seems so slow. can i just get my results already? though sebenarnya dah boleh agak kot apa dia :( can i just go back there now? though sebenarnya i hate that place sooooooo much, tapi sebab dia ada sana saya nak dekat sana juga. can i just get married and have babies? skip this dating / seeing each other thingy. okay, this might be outta topic. HAHA :D

RAGEEEEEEE.

i'm home. semak dan menyampah, like always. it feels good somehow. but yeah, it's just that i'm away from someone, my results are coming out very very soon, i kinda broke though my duet rakyat just came in, it annoys me like hell that i couldn't just be myself, i lie like-a-lot, i fucking fake my smile, it's lonely here, i feel alone, i want him, i really need him, i totally lost my freedom, i miss my papa bear, i wanna go back there, 5 weeks adalah sangat lama, damn i must get that bloody simcard ASAP, sesetengah guys keep on bugging me -- boleh tak kan kalau orang dah kata taknak tu maksudnya taknak lah ; tolong lah kenapa susah sangat nak faham, persekitaran yang membingitkan, cuaca yang merimaskan, urgh semua benda semua pun tak kena lah. GOSH i hate my life damn much muchhh. screwed my english lah, i know i'm stupid. so, macam ada apa-apa lagi nak tambah tak? oh-yeah, anda dipersilakan.

she's got you high, and you don't even know yet.

can i just don't go. i'm not leaving, i don't want to. damn, this sux like hell. everything would sux without you :(

100 POSTS ( woohoo ;p )

you're were right -- it's just wasn't me that you're right about.

okay. i'm not in the mood of talking about love or whatsoever gugu-gaga feelings, but i got this one thing to say. life is too short, and it's also too nice ; for us to keep up with some unnecessary crappy dumb bullshit(s). jadi kalau anda terjumpa orang bangang, orang sengal, orang yang tak berapa nak worth it, orang gila yang tak reti nak guna pakai otak dia lah senang cerita kan ; sila abaikan atau tinggalkan je. betul ni, macam kita takde kerja lain nak buat pulak kan. justeru thanks a lot lah yea, daa.

SUPER DUPER HYPER, BUNGA BINTANG SEMUA PUN ADA :DD

i try my best to satisfy, but all you do is wave me goodbye. i don't know what i'm gonna do, but i'm so crazy about you. even if i don't know where to start, even if my love is tearing me apart. i just know, that you and me -- we are always meant to be :))

you are my light in the dark, you are the beating in my heart. but that is not enough, will i ever be by your side?

THIS IS MY FUCKING BLOG. KALAU TAK SUKA, DON'T FUCKING READ.

hey candy, thanks a lot for the wonderful day. hearts all over :))

i could say that i'll always have feelings for you, but i've got a life ahead and i'm only 20.

you're lucky if you're the girl's first love. and you're lucky if you're the boy's last love. sebab apa? perempuan kalau cinta pertama dia, mana pernah lupa. ingat sampai bila-bila. naive and so pure. lelaki kalau cinta terakhir dia, takkan carik yang lain dah lepas tu. sayang yang tu je. perempuan kalau lepas cinta pertama went wrong, dia akan berhati-hati after that. dia takkan bagi seluruh hati dia untuk cinta yang seterusnya sebab dia dah tahu macam mana sakitnya bila heartbroken at the first place. and macam mana senangnya lelaki nak buat orang sedih banyak-banyak kali. that's why the girl takkan ulang balik the same mistake, percaya pada forever. lelaki pulak selalu buat silap pada cinta pertama. sebab mereka tak faham, kalau ada gf tak makna dia hilang freedom. takde siapa pun expect mereka untuk korban apa-apa, mereka je yang rasa tertekan sendiri as if the gf expect terlalu banyak dari dia. padahal tak. lelaki muda-muda tak matang lagi. mereka tak faham pun love tu apa, even nak cakap perkataan love pun susah. sebab mereka tak tahu macam mana sebenarnya feeling dia bila dah opened your heart. and after some time, lepas dah jumpa berapa banyak perempuan dalam hidup, baru lelaki tu sedar apa yang dia nak. masa tu baru lah the boy become a man. and masa tu lah yang paling ideal for the man to get serious, sebab dia dah tahu siapa sebenarnya he wants to be with forever. and then again, baru lah the girl boleh trust him for her heart. hope for the best, that the man to be as sweet as the her first love. and the man doesn't want no other, only need her till the end. jadi ini yang i rasa lah, but if you tak setuju pun takpe :D

CHERRY CHERRY BOOM BOOM ♥

L-O-V-E is just another word i never learned to pronounce.

sedar tak bila kita dah kasi terlalu banyak dekat orang, semua pun hujung-hujung akan jadi sia-sia. dia takkan hargai langsung sebab dia tahu kalau dunia dah nak terbalik sekali pun, kita tetap akan bagi semua untuk dia, demi dia, apa-apa je asal dia happy. jadi, siapa yang bodoh dekat sini sekarang? here's a classic example. R*** -- i'll do anything for him. cerita dulu lah tapi kan. i'd kill for him, if i had to. went behind my parents, buat mama sedih, abah sedih, macam-macam lagi. spent thousands for him, bought him those tommy h tops, bought him that bloody esprit's watch, silly cards & chocolates, ayat bunga-bunga, urghh bangang gila rasa nak muntah sekarang bila ingat, whatsoever lah, and yeah, his mom. god knows how much i berhabis untuk dia, untuk mama dia. i thought we were meant to be, we're supposed to be. itu tak masuk lagi stuffs yang maaf lah, excuse me yea, i wouldn't write it here. ( hey, ada stalkers kot dekat luar tu. oops, jangan kata saya tak tahu ;p ) then what? what did i get in return? ZERO. i failed my studies, i lost my few good friends, i tak tahu mana pergi setahun yang malang dalam hidup, semua masa hilang macam tu je untuk dia. the love of my life konon, oh please, what a crappy bullshit lah. here me out loud, it was a fucking zero investment. rugi lagi ada lah. he never done the same things to me, or to my mom for that matter, he's damn rude to my dad, he's fucking left me for some random bitches, tipu saya, betrayed saya, keluar pergi club mabuk-mabuk sana sini entah dengan berapa juta perempuan, letak status single macam suka hati bapak dia je, cakap problem saya semak, kurang ajar, berlagak, perasan bagus, budget hot, etc lah. so, my point is -- saya taknak kasi apa-apa lagi. never again will i be fooled, to give my all when nothing is true. semua benda, semua pun belum tentu lagi. i don't even know if i really love you. yes, i might have said that once or twice, but i'm sorry, it was just come out of nowhere. i'm not even sure about anything anymore. mungkin saya hanya terlalu, sungguh, dan amat suka dekat awak, but cinta? no no no, i don't think so. fuck L-O-V-E, it does not exist. it's just a biological drug yang buat orang addicted dan sakit, over and over again. fuck it lah. malas nak fikir lagi. bosan dan membosankan. so long and goodbye, sweetheart. i don't even mean this too, you're not sweet, and if you must know ; you don't even have a fucking heart. daa.

untouchable like a distant diamond sky, and when you're close -- i feel like coming undone :D

NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

i don't wanna hurt you 'cause i don't think it's about you, but you and i have come to our end. believe me when i tell you that i never wanna see you again. and please, can you stop calling 'cause it's getting really boring. and i've told you i don't wanna be friends.

how on earth could i be any more obvious? it never really did and now it's never gonna happen with the two of us. i don't understand what it is that you're chasing after, but it makes me really sad to hear you sound so desperate -- it just makes it harder.

and i don't know why, but with you i'd dance. in a storm, in my best dress -- fearless :)

CAREFUL, GIRL.

count backwards 5 4 3 2 1 -- before you get too heated and turned on. you should have learned your lesson all in times before ; you've been bruised, you've been broken.

then there's my mind saying " THINK BEFORE YOU GO " through that door it could lead you nowhere. this guy has got you all romantic, crazy in your head. do you think i'd listen? no, i don't care.

my conscious saying " GET DOWN OFF THIS DREAM " it's too dangerous and deadly. i can't focus, i can't stop. you got me spinning round, round, round, round.

and then there's my sense saying " STOP BEFORE YOU FALL " i don't wanna pick you up again, this time. he's got you all romantic, and crazier each day. do you think i'd listen? there's no way.

pembaziran.

i don't feel well. maybe because kepala saya pening. maybe because perut saya sakit. maybe because saya dah makin plumpy. maybe because rambut saya ugly. maybe because sleep-deprived yang langsung tak worth it. maybe because semua orang & semua benda macam sungguh menyampah. maybe because duet rakyat tak masuk lagi & saya dah jatuh miskin yang teramat. maybe because semalam tak boleh jawab. maybe because saya dah fed-up. maybe because bunyi-bunyi yang merimaskan di tempat yang sangat miserable & pathetic ini. maybe because tahun kedua bukan bulan depan tapi enam bulan lagi. maybe because segala usaha penat lelah macam orang gila dari empat tahun lepas dah jadi sia-sia. maybe because manusia yang tak memahami. maybe because manusia yang busybody. maybe because manusia yang tak reti jaga mulut sendiri. maybe because hidup yang fucked-up. maybe because terasa nak swear satu dunia. maybe because saya nak terjun bangunan tinggi. maybe because semua pun tak kena. maybe because .. dah laa, malas nak taip.

" you know what’s the most terrifying thing about admitting that you’re in love? you’re just naked. you put yourself in harm’s way and you lay down all your defenses. no clothes, no weapons. nowhere to hide, completely vulnerable. the only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe the other person loves you back and you can trust them not to hurt you. "

it's not my fault, not at all.

URGHH.

someone's gonna push me from the top of genting highlands down to the bottom of sungai klang on this saturday -- 9.00AM 6th feb 2010. i'll be dead. i'm so dead. in fact, you can consider me dead by now. i'm officially dead. i'm fucking dead. you know what, i'm just dead. dead as in dead, dead.

next time you point a finger -- i'll point you to the mirror.

if GOD is the game that you're playing ; well, we must get more acquainted. because it has to be so lonely, to be the only one who's holy. it's just my humble opinion, but it's one that i believe in. you don't deserve a point of view -- if the only thing you see is you.

- IRONICALLY SAID -

and so i went to this one shop last week with my good friend, and she was buying a valentine's day card for her bf. it was awkward. not her, but for me. i'm like, i don't know. i never get any v-day card before. not even chocolates, let alone flowers. i mean, i don't really give much thoughts about that also. well yeah, i do think it might be nice to actually receive at least one of those, but i don't want to put myself in such a position where i need to expect anything from any guys i've ever dated. it's complicated, and very confusing. seriously, you can't expect anything from guys -- they will let you down. still, somehow it's not their fault though. 99% of the time, they totally don't have any idea what's going on in the girl's mind. to make matter worse, 99% of girls never actually say what they really feel inside. see? it's so strange that i practically couldn't even bring myself to understand, how in the hell guys and girls are eventually meant to be together? they're so different. but then i guess, i could just say i'm completely happy and satisfied with a fancy rm200+ dinner in TGI, and that rm50+ gold class movie tix ; when all i ever wanted is just the rm2+ 'teh tarik at mamak' and maybe, just maybe -- those rm5+ roses. GEE :]

se7en things :)

i probably shouldn’t say this, but at times i get so scared. when i think about the previous, relationship we shared -- it was awesome, but we lost it. it’s not possible for me, not to care.

the 7 things i hate about you :

you’re vain, your games, you’re insecure. you love me, you like her. you make me laugh, you make me cry -- i don’t know which side to buy. your friends, they’re jerks. when you act like them, just know it hurts. i wanna be with the one i know. and the 7th thing i hate the most that you do ;
you make me love you.

and compared to all the great things, that would take too long to write. i probably should mention, the 7 that i like.

the 7 things i like about you :

your hair, your eyes, your old LEVI'S. when we kiss, i’m hypnotized. you make me laugh, you make me cry -- but i guess that’s both i’ll have to buy. your hands in mine, when we’re intertwined, everything’s alright. i wanna be with the one i know. and the 7th thing i like most that you do ;
you make me love you.

you do.