tahun baru ke, minggu baru ke, hari baru ke, semua sama je. jadinya apa-apa saje lah saya pun tak kesah.

popping pills.

TAK, TAK ADIL TAK. KENAPA MESTI SAKITKAN DIRI SENDIRI TAK?

GO AHEAD AND GET GONE !

apa mslh dgn lelaki ni sbnrnya? bila org x nk, sibuk pksa-pksa. bila org dh accept, x mau nk appreciate. dh tu bila org blah, nk sakit hati plak. then dh jumpa yg len, p carik org lg wtpe? apa ke desperate sgt weh. abis dh org reject, lg nk terhegeh ke. mcm-mcm hal. bila org x koser nk amik tahu dh, baru mnyesal plak. x phm bahasa ke, apehal mcm bangang sgt. tlg lah seumur idup asek jumpa dgn jerk je, apa kejadah nya. dunia ni dh pupus dgn manusia normal ke. sume nape prangai mcm sengal. berambus jauh-jauh dr idup org bleh x? semak ah.

ignore, ignore, ignore.

how to stay by yourself and get away from people? just ignore them. aku hampir gila untuk kau yang tak berapa nak worth it. please, i wanna dissapear. damn it. i have suicidal thoughts like everyday. this isn't normal. benci, manusia memang hipokrit. nak pergi lari. semua dah hancur, hilang sebab kau. hidup memang palat. screwed you, screwed all of you.

loneliness is tragical.

i'm running outta topic to say. my life has becoming so lame lately. hari-hari buat benda yang sama, phone pun diam je.

LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT MY FACE. DO I LOOKED LIKE I CARE? STFU.

my dream place :))

so how's that?

ohh, i didn't sleep the whole night. haha terbaik. well, a quickie update. i dah burned candle yang you kasi. i also dah tengok crite twilight : new moon. i dah simpan ear-rings dari goa tu dalam laci, tak mau pakai dah. i langsung dah tak dengar lagu down by jay sean pun sekarang sebab dah muak. i dah tak nanges ingat you lagi. whatever has happened between us, it doesn't mean anything. we're nothing. you're nothing. i guess goodbyes really are forever.

to stuck on you wasn't my plan, at all. i thought we're just hanging out. but then you kissed me. you called me beautiful. we had awesome times together. i'm happy. you're happy. we're happy. i dreamed about you and me. suddenly you have to leave. i broke down crying, i was begging you not to go. but you left, anyway. i don't know what else to do, i can't even think. until now, i'm still bummed. why do you always do this to me? why couldn't you just see it through me? how come you act like this, like you just don't care at all? do you expect me to believe i was the only one to fall?

two things :

1. i wanna stop thinking.

2. i wanna stop feeling.

to hell with the brain and the heart, today i stop caring.

" death is peaceful, easy. life is harder. "

after everything.

i said leave, but all i really want is you :(

DANG !!

meluat dgn perangai manusia masing-masing. meh sini aku sekeh-sekeh kepala kau. lelaki satu hal. klau dh prmpuan tu balas kau pnya text, x mkna dia tu dh syok nk mati layan kau. sengal ke. dh kang klau x reply kata berlagak lah sombong lah, menggelabah. pstu klau dia tgk dkt kau, x mkna dia dh jatuh hati nk mampus dkt kau. dia tgk smbil pk apsal lah kau loser sgt kot, kau mana tahu ye x. dress-up mcm noob ke kn, kau mana sedar. dh tu klau prmpuan tu nk make-up ke, pakai lawa ke, kau kesah apa. kau dh kemaruk sgt ke smpai benda cmtu x tahan, pstu meroyan kutuk prmpuan tu bitch ar, cheap ar x psl-psl. apa ke sakit. kampung sgt tu. dh dia hot, kau x hot, kau susah apa. terasa bangang ke sbb x dpt. dh tu x puas hati plak kn. x pn kau dh malu sgt kot apehal ar awek kau hodoh kn, nk amik yg cantek mau-mau org len bantai gelak je. pathetic. yg prmpuan plak lg satu. dh nmpk prmpuan len lg cun ke kn, pakai up sket, kau nk tuduh social laa apa gaban lg. kau apehal. dh kau tu miskin sgt takat nk beli baju dkt padini pn nk pk 12 juta kali kn, yg girl kau x bleh nk hadap sgt tu plak tommy h dia pakai buat tido je kot dkt umah. sentap ar skrg kn lelaki len tgk dia, x tgk kau. pstu lagak berkeagamaan mcm bagus sgt men sukati judge org x tentu psl. cacat ke. otak tu taruk mana. alim lah sgt klau blkg org duk mngumpat, ckp mulut sume kau babi bodoh pukimak sume kuar. hek eleh, ni nk cool sgt meh sini aku taip sket dpn-dpn haa. EAT SHIT AND DIE lah bhai!

was he worth this mess?

i saw you today, but from behind only. (bunyi mcm stalker je, ntah pape. pedulik ah) i dunno was it me, or mmg you ada pusing blkg tgk i. sengal gila, smpai bila nk cmni. smpai bila i nk kena rindu dkt you cmni. benci ar weh. penat tahu tak rasa cmni. kn bagus klau bleh delete je you dr otak i, buat semak je. bkn bleh guna pape pn.

I MISS YOU A LOT TODAY. I'M LOSING IT. I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I'M GONNA STAY THIS WAY, IT HURTS SO BAD I COULD DIE. BUT YOU WON'T BE AROUND TO SEE ME BLEED AND BROKEN. YOU LEFT ME, AND THAT'S THE BEST YOU CAN DO? EVIL.

hate ( i really don't like you )

i fucking hate what i'm doing right now. i fucking hate this place. i fucking hate those people around. i fucking hate the sound, the weather, the food, fuck yeah i fucking hate everything. i just wanna get the fuck out of here. fuck.

what took you so long? why aren't you here already? don't you know how much i'm dying? how bad i'm hopeless and helpless right now. can't you feel it? i couldn't stand it anymore. i need you. please, come and save me. i'm begging you.

MONSTERRR.

HE ATE MY HEART, HE ATE MY HEART. THAT BOY IS A MONSTER.

i'm walking away.

we are good. the world is good. life is long, there will be pain but life goes on. things are not gonna stop just because somebody gets heartache, and i might as well just need to keep up with that. i have to pull myself together. it's okay to cry, to do crazy stuffs here and there, but too much would be a mistake. and my tears won't change anything ; i know i wish that it did, but it just doesn't work like that. past is past, fuck it. who gives a shit anyway?

you know what sucks? realizing that everything you believe in is a complete and utter bullshit. it sucks. you know, destiny, and soul mates, and true love, and all that childhood fairy tale nonsense. these are lies, we're liars. what does that even mean, love? do you know? do you? anybody?

i won't waste myself on you.

GET LOST. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE. I FUCKING HATE YOU, MOTHERFUCKER.

please, don't flatter yourself
you're not the only one
this heart has ever felt

please, don't exaggerate
and don't tell me you're okay
'cause it's not okay.

it's all your fault, you called me beautiful.

terasa mcm nk move on. okay 2, 3 hari. tetiba x okay blk. i paced back & forth all this time. penat ah cmni. lelaki mmg jahat. happy ke sedih ke, ujung-ujung msti buat org nanges jgk. jahat, jahat. x nk suka lelaki dh. benci sbb diorg sgt jahat. pegi jauh-jauh, i dh x mau tgk muka you lg paham x.


" you turned me out, and now i can't turn back. i hold my breath 'cause you were perfect. but i'm running out of air, and it's not fair. "

apakah?

kdg klau sy story benda dkt awk bkn sbb nk suh awk buat pape. nk awk dgr je. dh tu x pyh laa brlagak mcm awk tu tau sume benda. sy crite pn sket-sket je kot. cut here n there. mmg sengal ah kn klau awk pk sy akn ckp da whole thing, ohh plz. i neva trust ppl fr dat. esp not u. then bleh plak awk buat benda yg awk budget baik utk benda tu, pstu claimed dat yg awk care psl sy. apa kejadah nya? dh tau tu diam je laa bleh. nape kena buat smthing bout it jgk. come on, pndai ar sy nk pk sndri kot. yg awk tu apsal ingat awk tau sume benda betta than sy? mcm bagus sgt plak kn. idup sy kot, sukati sy lah. x pyh ar terasa mcm awk kena buat pape jst bcoz sy ada btau awk psl tu, sy ada ckp dkt org len jgk kot. bkn awk sorg je. diorg yg len xde plak mcm awk nk sibuk-sibuk. awk ni attention seeker ke atau skadar lifeless? apehal mcm over sgt yea nk amik port mana yg btul utk life org. bosan bleh. eyh, bz body sgt pn x elok. org x suka kot, awk je yg x sedar.

TO THAT ONE PERSON, I FINALLY GET RID OF MY PATHETIC FB. SO MUCH FOR MY "IGNORANT ALLEGATIONS" I SUPPOSED ?? HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW, MUCH MUCH HAPPY. HAVE A GOOD LIFE :))

something something.

boy : there's two possible outcomes. it ends, someone gets hurt. or it doesn't end, someone gets hurt.

girl : so, the end sucks. it doesn't mean the beginning has to. everything ends. life ends. it doesn't mean that we can't enjoy it.

boy : i can't. i can't do this.

girl : all i know is, i was happy few weeks ago. and now i'm not. how's that better?

boy : good-bye mime.

how could that be possible?

i still miss you. the candle is still hanging on my mirror, i'm still wearing those ear-rings. you're in everyone i see. sometimes, i just feel like i was crazy already. i still meet you in my dreamland. that "twilight : new moon" movie is still there in my lappy, i still haven't watch it yet. you promised me to watch it together, remember? i'm still listening to the "down by jay sean" song everyday, i whisper your name in my heart everytime. and, and. i still do love, as always.

lagi lah i jadi gila.

you really like him that much is it? i do. heard he's been going through a rough time too? i know. have you both talked about it? yes. so what did he say? nothing. are you okay girl? no. so worried, you seem very "emo" lately. well then, what do you expect?

NOW THAT YOU'RE GONE, I CAN'T GO ON. THIS MUST BE THE END.
I NEED YOU, I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

guns don't kill ppl, ppl kill ppl.

sbnrnya x kesah pn brape kali cuba, betapa susah pn, klau dh mmg tentu-tentu gagal, gagal jgk. mslhnya skrg bila gagal, org ckp eyh xpe lah bleh cuba lg. fuck you. yelah bkn kau yg gagal kot. pstu bila gagal msti ar rasa nk gv up, org ckp lg. eyh jgn lah putus asa cpt sgt, cuba lg lah. fuck you. double fucking fuck you. dan-dan bkn kau yg gagal bnyk-bnyk kali kn. ada lg sux bila org kata plak, alaa bkn you sorg prnh gagal, kena kuat lah kn. motherfucker gila. aku pedulik apa psl org len. you're talking to me, then talk about me je lah. apa ke sengal. hidup mmg mcm fuck dan dlm dunia ni bnyk nya sume fucker yg mmg fucked-up. klau ada mslh x pyh btau org, diam-diam je sudah sbb org-org tu sume sbnrnya yg bwk mslh. dunia sbnrnya xkn ada mslh klau xde org. kesimpulannya, bunuh sume org. haa x pn bunuh je diri sndri so x pyh dh jumpa dgn org.

:'(

forgive me for my weakness. but i don't know why without you, I CAN'T SURVIVE.

the unrequited love.

it turned out that he wasn’t in love with me like i thought. what i’m trying to say is i understand the feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible, and how it can actually ache in places that you don’t know you had inside you. it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends ; you still go to bed every night, going over every detail, and wonder what you did wrong? or how you could have misunderstood, and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think you were that happy?

and sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. and after all that, however long "all that" may be, you’ll go somewhere new. and you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. and all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

THIS PAIN YOU GAVE TO ME -- CAN YOU TAKE IT ALL AWAY?

me minus you = pointless

1st hours :
i ate LIKE-A-LOT and throwed it all up. sorta binge && purge kinda thing. how could you left? did i do anything wrong?

few hours :
i cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried, enough said.

1st day :
screwed you. got mad and started to text angry messages, twice. you didn't respond. i can't sleep. i swallowed too much pills. my stomach was crazy, my head was dizzy, i felt sick. i was sick. pointless.

next few days :
tried to work things out, talked to my friends, talked to your friends. pointless. lied in the couch, forced myself to close my eyes while crying. watched a weird movie and thought i can let you go. you said you're not worth it and i deserved better. i don't even understand what's that means, pointless.

1st week :
talked to you. you heard me laughed right? but actually i was crying. saw you couple times, but pointless, too. i miss you.

2nd week :
it's been the same, and the story's getting old.

today :
caught you checking on me. i don't know what the hell is that supposed to mean, pointless. told myself to wake up and maybe, just maybe, you're just not that into me.

now :
i still miss you, i really do. nothing feels right. messed-up. fuck it, i want to die. bye.

i miss you real bad.

malam ini biar saya memaki :D

sial. budget hot, pdhal muka mcm nigga. sbnrnya kau tu sentap kn ye-ye dtg nk antar aku fly, sat lg aku relax je dh dgn org len kn. padan lah muka. bkn men lg plak dtg siap bwk cousin kau yg muka toye tu. apehal pathetic sgt kau ni? kau pk aku nk sedih-sedih ke kau dh xde. plz dong takkk. aku yg lari dr kau kot. amik, trus x sggup nk blk umah tu dh. siap trus pindah lg. haha sakit. perlu ke ckp aku poyo nk tyg bf sume, hek eleh ingat aku mcm kau ke. bangga sana sini betina ramai kejar. pdhal sume duk pakat kejar duet kau je. klau kau miskin hina papa kedana kn, xde sape nk lah sengal. dhla muka mcm sampah. prangai lg ar sampah abis. clubbing mabuk-mabuk, amik drugs, tido dgn bitches rata-rata. mana-mana sempat kau rembat je kn. heboh ckp kau tido dgn gf org lah, tunang org lah. kau bodoh ke. terdesak nk mati sgt ke smpai org pnya pn kau tibai. murah gila kau ni. ber-iye ari tu baru ilang brape ribu dh meroyan drunk smpai muntah-muntah. dan-dan cal aku plak tgh mlm buta kn ckp teringat dkt ex kau yg dh berzaman tinggal kn kau tu. bodoh sgt lah kau ni fucker. kesian oh mak kau truk dia kena tipu idup-idup, smgt kot crite kt org ank dia bagus sgt. mslhnya kau rasa aku kesah ke kau nk tido dgn brape ramai org, nk kecoh kau pegi party sana sini, naked ah amende, ada aku kesah? bangang gila, brag x psl-psl. besh sgt ke takat ada blog cacat cmtu. degree pn low standard je. patut ah parents aku pn nyampah dgn kau, kwn-kwn aku sume benci kau. mmg xde taraf lgsg kot. seronok gila ngaku kau betrayed aku dulu kn, ckp aku loser lah, faker lah, nk tergelak seh. mcm aku x prnh tipu kau plak kn. scandal aku plak juta-juta kali lg hensem dr kau kn. malas kot nk tulis bnyk-bnyk, silap ari kang kau pegi terjun menara TM tu plak. nnt sume sluts yg kononnya terhegeh ajak kau kawen tu sume pn bunuh diri kang. kawen dgn kau ke, duet kau? asshole pn reti kawen yea? blah ar setan, sila laju-laju mampus dan berambus ke neraka jahanam okay? mmg dh slh org ar kau nk carik psl kn.

thank you.

terima kasih banyak-banyak. if it's your plan to knock me down to the ground, hell yeah you did. fuck you, fuck you very, very much. pergi lah bang semua cheap whores dalam dunia, kalau tak cukup then go fucking fuck yourself up.
i hope you'll die in AIDS. baru lah hot kan, tak ke?