you can run, you can hide, but you can't escape :D

ehehee suddenly good things are started to happen. so much for 2 weeks of terrible days, i supposed :) yeayy. i'm single and i'm not ugly ( well i'm not saying i'm pretty, but if you must say :p ) and i totally deserved someone " nice " beside me :D

AND MY LOVE FOR YOU IS BLIND, BUT I COULDN'T MAKE YOU SEE IT.

i sit here typing while listening to " the other side of the door " by taylor swift. and i'm thinking how my most of everything is about HIM. the title of this blog is that one song reminding me to him, together with the picture above, and bunch of blog entries, and barang-barang yang dia kasi, my very first v-day card, the crystal, the taj mahal, semua pun is still there. i never touched them since the day we broke-up, i didn't even bother to move them into the locker or anything. i just let them stood there, as i watched them everyday. i really miss him, i really care for him, but i'm done trying. i don't want to be the one yang selfish just because i need him tapi dia tak perlukan i. i taknak push ppl around. i taknak paksa dia to be with me just because i want him. i sayang dia, and apa-apa yang buat dia happy, i pun happy. if it means i have to feel this huge pain in my heart every night, so be it. i promised him i'll be fine, and if it means i have to fake a smile everytime, so be it. and so, here i am -- smiling :)

it's time to nut up, or shut up.

i'm having a weird stomach ache these past few days, with burning sensation, as if it's gonna burst or something. lepas tu ada this uneasy feeling, rasa cepat annoyed dekat semua orang and semua benda, plus a bit of dizzyness. weather dekat sini yang fucking fucked-up, kejap hujan ribut sampai banjirkan my room, basahkan my bed and all, then pulak panas sampai boleh buat orang nak mati. i bukan suka whining ( or maybe sikit-sikit lah ) but memang there's a lot to whine about. dah tu bosan gila, tahap boleh mati sebab bosan. pastu susah nak tidur, class test jawab macam haram kot, terasa begitu pathetic and such a loser. okay lah benci, bye.

ONCE A GOOD GIRL GONE BAD -- WE DIE FOREVER.

faham tak the sole reason i applied for studying in oversea sebab i nak jauh-jauh daripada you? faham tak sebenarnya i saje-saje je dapat 10A sebab i memang nak blah. faham tak? pedulik apa you nak cakap pandai je tak guna. i memang tak pandai, and i memang tak pernah baik. tak tahu apa pasal dari dulu sampai sekarang, i ni nampaknya sangat jahat dan buruk di mata you. tak tahu apa salah i yang besar sangat, semua benda semua pun tak kena. i dah fed-up lah. dah bosan, dah tak larat okayy. dah malas nak cakap apa-apa lagi. i tak kesah i got a sucky course doing in this sucky place. yang penting anything and anywhere is always better than you and whatever you got there. urgh, thank GOD i'm far away from you. inilah benda paling nice yang berlaku in my life :D i'm glad.

there'll be no more trying again, no more coming back, no more forgiving you, no more thinking :)

okay lah. i dah give up. and i have no regrets, i wish you the very best in all that you do. farewell.

you chose to surrender the best thing that's happened to you ; what were you missing? were you just tripping?

yeayy, akhirnya berjaya dapatkan my first skinny :D
( gedik je beli padahal diri sendiri tak skinny pun )

- light blue
- comfort low waist
- skinny fit
- mild wash
- BENETTON

actually nak yang blackie, tapi itu tunggu beli MANGO or ZARA nanti lah. neng-neng excited gila, esok nak pakai sambil usha-usha my eye candy. siapa? rahsiaaa. HAHAA anw, thx B and her family :) i heart you guys banyak-banyak sangat lah! muax muaxx :) :) :)

what happened? the cup of hot tea sudah jadi cold :( what always happens -- life.

" bila aku harus mencintai dan berbagi hati, itu hanya denganmu. namun bila aku harus tanpamu, akan tetap ku harungi hidup tanpa cinta.. "

wherever i go, i won't forget about you. wherever you go, don't you forget about me :)

they say love is just a game

they say time can heal the pain

sometimes you win, sometimes you lose

and i guess i'm just a fool

i keep holding on to you

i told you once, you were the one

you know that i'd die for you

although it hurts to see you go

oh, this time you should know

i won't try to stop you

don't you forget about me, baby

don't you forget about me now

someday you'll turn around and ask me,

why did i let you go?

so, you try to fake a smile

you don't wanna break my heart

i can see that you're afraid

but baby, it's to late

'cause i'm already dying..

" i'll be seeing you "

5 AM in the morning, and i'm still awake. i just watched this movie titled " THE NOTEBOOK " and i swear, it's like the best love movie ever. from 1:35 onwards, i swear i couldn't stop crying up until the story ends. it's just too deep, i swear. semua orang patut tengok, kalau tak, tak lengkap hidup. sumpah.

I'M GOOD, I'M GONNA BE FINE :D

" let go when you're hurting too much

give up when love isn't enough

and move on when things aren't like before

for surely there is someone out there

who will love you even more. "

agak-agak kalau i pujuk you balik, you okay tak? tapi kenapa mesti i? kenapa bukan you? ahh boleh jadi gila tau macam ni, i miss you lah :( i really do.

kata orang rindu itu indah -- namun bagiku, ini menyeksa.

i don't wanna hold you if you don't wanna tell me you love me, babe :'(

" just know, i'm gonna have to walk away. i'll be big enough for both of us to say -- be happy. "

so baby, if you know everything, tell me why you couldn't see -- when i left, i want you to chase after me.

lu apehal. gua kenal lu ke masalahnya sekarang. budget dah pernah satu batch dengan gua, lu ingat gua pedulik pasal lu ke. name lu pun gua tak tahu, tak teringin nak amik tahu pun sebenarnya. nak kata lu caring pasal gua, tak pernah-pernah pulak kan. rasanya tak langsung dalam sejarah hidup gua ada berkawan dengan lu. tak kuasa pun, lu tak cukup hot kot. HAHA dah tu sat lagi macam kurang ajar sangat kepoh nak tahu gua duduk mana apa bangang sume apesal. lu interested nak bayarkan sewa ke? nak kata bodoh, lu pass, gua failed. suka sangat lu kan nak menyibuk hidup gua, menarik sangat yea? tolonglah, mak gua pun tak kesah kot. lu pulak yang lebih-lebih, wtf? alim-alim pun kalau tak takde manner tak boleh jugak. yang sorang lagi tu dah jelas dan nyata perangai kampung, memang tak boleh nak cakap apa dah. gua memang tak suka nak cemarkan blog gua yang cantek ni dengan maki-maki lu, tapi lu tu yang carik nahas dulu kan. cuba lu jangan tetiba nak interfere hal orang, gua pun takde ar sentap kan. eii benci lah.

FOREVER MORE, I SWEAR :D

" they're all part of the list, things that i miss ; things like your funny little laugh, or the way you smile, or the way we kiss. and you live in my memories -- forever more, i swear. "

standing out in the rain, knowing now it's really over -- please don't leave me alone :(

apa lah, buat orang sedih je. dah laa, nak pergi mati kejap. nanti-nanti esok lusa kalau terasa ada mood, hidup balik. boleh tak? dah macam nak gila :( so sad.

APA YANG YOU NAK SEBENARNYA? OHH YES, I'M AGREED WITH UNCERTAIN. OHH NO, YOU COULDN'T BE BOTHERED. TAHU TAK BETAPA DUNIA I ASEK REVOLVED AROUND YOU JE, AND SEDAR TAK BETAPA UNFAIR IS THAT? I TAK BOLEH EMO KALAU I TUNGGU BERAPA LAMA NAK JUMPA YOU LEPAS TU YOU SURUH I BALIK CEPAT BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO DO, TAPI YOU BOLEH EMO PASAL MY STUPID FAKE STATUS. YOU TAKNAK SERIOUS, TAPI I TAK BOLEH MAIN-MAIN. YOU BOLEH DATANG PERGI DEKAT I IKUT SUKA HATI YOU, I TAK BOLEH DATANG PERGI DEKAT YOU IKUT SUKA HATI I. YOU TAK TAHU WHERE I STAND, TAPI I TAK BOLEH FALL FOR YOU. YOU MARAH BILA KATA I BROKE, TAPI I TAK BOLEH MINTAK TOLONG ORANG LAIN. YOU BOLEH KASI I SILENT TREATMENT, YOU BOLEH TINGGAL I ANYTIME, YOU BOLEH PUJUK I ANYTIME, YOU BOLEH CAKAP SORRY ANYTIME, YOU BOLEH CARIK I ANYTIME. IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, YOU, AND YOU. AND THE BEST PART IS, I'M THE ONE TO BLAME.

i told you i'm not bulletproof -- now you know.

i'm sick and tired of your attitude

i'm feeling like i don't know you

you tell me that you want me then cut me down

i'm sick and tired of your reasons

i've got no one to believe in

you ask me for my love then you push me around

why do you have to make me feel small

so you can feel whole inside?

why do you have to put down my dreams

so you're the only thing on my mind?

girls. don't ever ever trust the sweet talker guys, never! lelaki memang ditakdirkan untuk tak jadi romantik, that's how their feelings work. justeru kalau dia tak tahu apa pasal bukan main pandai lagi nak mengayat bunga-bintang semua, sah-sah sangat lah ada motif lain dekat situ. macam my bestie cakap, penjahat sebenarnya :D HAHA kelakar okayy.

ONCE AND FOR REAL :DD

" are we an item? boy, quit playing. we're just friends, what are you saying? said there's another as you look right in my eyes. my first love, broke my heart for the first time. "

i would never wish bad things ; but i don't wish you well :)

first of all, nape tiap kali dgr theme song HOUSE MD je baru smgt nk belajar? baru terasa mcm bangga, eyh bakal doctor rupanya. haha and guess what? ( khas utk the super ex-bf okayy ) yeah, you can go on banging those retarded sluts and cheap whores, cuma nya nnt klau dh kena AIDS jgn nk dtg hospital carik aku yea. whoa pstu kang baru lah kau sedar kn langit tu sbnrnya tinggi ke rendah :D alrite, moving on. you know, ada this not-so-friend-of-mine ni bersungguh btul seh nk duduk dlm my friend list. keje dia request, keje i remove. sat lagi lama-lama mesti lah dh malas, i pun lantak p je lah. dia nk berkawan tu, biar lah ;p me too suka je kot stalk org, it's kinda my thing also lah. but org-org yg hot je lah kn, baru seronok. klau tak, terasa agak kelakar jgk :) hahahaa what a joke.

i want your loving, all your love is revenge. you and me could write a bad romance ^^

bosan lah. smpai diri sndri pun terasa bosan nk ckp bosan tiap-tiap kali. tp sumpah bosan. mcm dh kehabisan benda nk buat dlm dunia, iskk. dh puas dh tido, tgk movie, makan, carik mslh, setel mslh, pstu skrg apa lagi? eyh satu benda nk tulis dkt sini. lelaki kn, sume pun x bleh pakai. yg bleh pakai msti dh taken, atau lbh malang lagi samada he's not interested or he's not interesting. urgh tensi, daa.

&& your hand will always be my favorite one to hold :D

p/s : papa bear, dia busy. class tests, pbl, and so, and so. saya jadi hilang arah :( rinduuu okay.

i like cute guys. i mean not the one with cute face okayy ( sebab ini bunyi dia sungguh gay ) but the one with cute attitude, ehehehee. like when he texts me early in the morning just to say he's sorry, when he shows up at my door just because i said i'm not in a good shape, when he kisses me on the forehead and says i'm beautiful and smile ; cute smile, in fact ♥

darling, you are the only exception :)

rasa macam nak menangis banyak-banyak sangat. rasa macam jantung nak pecah. rasa macam semua pun dah tak ada makna. rasa macam otak dah berhenti, hati dah hilang. rasa macam lemah sangat, tak tahan sangat.

sleep is overrated -- we stay awake and cry. if this is love, then kill me now and save me from my life.

BECAUSE I AM A GIRL :(

small-small things that matter : when i left without a word, when i forgot to text, when i didn't want to look, when everything seems awkward, when something stupid happened, and when i just don't bother.

i don't shut up, i grow up -- and when i look at you, i throw up :D

sejahat-jahat i pun, i hidup x kacau org. i cuma jd kejam, atau lose control, or dlm erti kata lain mcm kurg ajar sket ( or myb lah bnyk kot ) klau you yg mula dulu. i mean, seriously. you xde life sndri ke yg nk sibuk-sibuk dgn life org? bkn nk ckp i ni ada life sgt pun, even i pun x kesah kot i ada life ke x. same je, i'm still living and i'm alive. kdg-kdg i x mau pun hidup klau cmni, dh ckp bnyk kali kn i mmg dh sedia benci my life. sumpah i mmg pentingkn diri i je, and i x pedulik lgsg kot apa yg berlaku sekeliling you. jd skrg bleh x you jgn kesah psl i. bkn besh pun i ni yg you smgt sgt nk amik tahu kot. everything bout me is damn fucked-up. x perlu lah payah-payah you nk judge, nk kata apa, ckp mcm-mcm whatsoever. you x lalu hidup i kot, and obviously you x rasa pun apa yg hati i prnh rasa. you gelabah apa klau i ni dh x tau jd apa skrg, i ni dh mcm org hilang akal ke apa. apa benda yg jd dlm hidup i ni ada affect hidup you ke, x kn. justeru, apa kata skrg you diam. pergi buat hal you, biar i buat hal i. thx.

HARUS BANGKIT SEMULA, SAMPAI HATIMU MEMANDANGKU -- TERUJA :)

baru bangun, kepala pening. ya ampunnn, tidur je kerja. dah-dah nak siap-siap. ada date :D hahaha this is what we're doing, we're dating. or i must say, he's not my bf. he's just the person i'm seeing.

come come baby, come be my toyfriend -- let me play with you.

mula-mula bosan, pastu fikir benda-benda sengal, pastu sakit hati, pastu pura-pura gembira dengan hidup sendiri, pastu penat, pastu tidur, pastu bangun rasa lapar, pastu makan, pastu gemuk, pastu rasa hodoh, pastu tetiba macam nak marah orang, pastu menyesal tak tahu apehal, pastu merepek tak tentu pasal, pastu habis takde benda nak buat dah, pastu okay lah dah malas, bye-bye.

stop it, you're such a baby.

oops. tersedak dengan statement sendiri, tak seronok nya :(

i don't wanna do this anymore.

i hate my life. i'm fat. i'm ugly. i'm broke. i failed twice, well that makes me stupid. and the great thing is that i don't even like this bloody shit i'm doing. i hate it, i hate it so fucking much that i'd kill to get over it. it's pathetic. and just like blair waldorf ( nak bagi contoh pun perlu yang up ke, menyedihkan betul tak ) i don't have friends. i mean here, i only know ppl. few ppl, well that makes me a loser. i screwed up each and everything. i've made a huge mistake ( i'm talking about a big, massive, sucky-ness black hole kinda mistake ) last year, in which everytime i think of it, it drives me crazy. ohh fuck, i really hate my life. i don't know why such a useless, hopeless, and helpless person like me is even alive also. could someone plz just do something and put an end to this? it would be nice :)

valentine's day is a nice movie lah, very very nice indeed. siapa kata bosan memang tak boleh geng ;p

he said ; so let me introduce you to my world, with diamonds and pearls, all a part of being my girl :D

ini bunyi dia sungguh tempting okay. what can i say, good guys are always taken. the one who's working instead of lepak-ing, the one who's spending hours making money instead of playing dota, the one with toyoto harrier instead of hey guna public je kot senang tak payah nak jem-jem, the one with enough saving to buy a house instead of sony ps3, the one who's listening instead of crappy talking. you see?

if this is about my soul -- take it, i don't want it without you.

p/s : gambar hiasan. this is not the papa bear ;p

go now and die in what way seems best to you :D

walao eh, baru saje habiskan movie marathon LOTR. ada 3 series, tiap satu tu ada 3 parts, and each one tu pulak ada kurang lebih sejam setengah -- kira lah sendiri berapa lama tak? agak lah hampir 15 jam kot, woohoo! but anw, i loveeee samwise gamgee, really. for me he's the real hero lah, not that frodo the bodoh ;p ohh btw, hey papa bear the elf / pointed ears / treebeard ; pergi belajar lah. ehehee :)

okay. terasa seperti hidup dalam gua. i need to get out more often, i supposed. but i don't think i'm ready to face them all :(