i wish it was you

i wish it was you.. theres not a single day goes by that i did not wished it was you instead.. i was young and stupid and i made a big fucking mistake.. im sorry.. heres my fucked up miserable life to endure as the proof of my stupidity.. i wish it was you.. i should have chosen you.. i really really wish it was you. i do.. im sorry. i really do.

lonely.

only God knows how lonely i am.. sometimes i made up conversations in my mind just to feel needed, like someone actually cares for me.. someone who i can hold on to, who i can turn to, but its only in my head.. pathetic, i know.. and its all my fault -- for this hole in my heart and this miserable feelings, all because i made a wrong choice.. and now i have to suffer for the rest of my empty life.. no one can and will save me.. its just me here, all alone and lonely.

wasted my chance of happiness with my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, the one and only — for someone so mediocre and disappointing.

please

i miss you H. 

i’ve made a huge f ing mistake 12 years ago.

i’m sorry.

please come back.

gosh i need a boyfriend. and fuckloads of money.

so you want me to leave you alone? okay i will leave you alone until you have to beg for me to care.

hope it's nice where you are

 if only you knew how much i'm longing for you --

 20 y/o me would have ditched him long time back --

 

come save me - zero one two nine one four seven zero nine two

 i honestly don't know what am i doing with my life without purpose...

i imagine my life would be a thousand times better if i had been with you.. i imagine you shower me with all the love and care in the world.. i imagine i could tell anything and everything to you.. i imagine you see me and smile to me with affection each and every time.. i imagine you hug me and hold me tight, make me feel safe in your arms.. i imagine you will never betray me and never look away.. i imagine you always listen to me and pay attention on every small things.. i imagine we share a happy peaceful life together and forever.. but i can only imagine.

always been

if you ever call me to come see you, i will drop everything and go to you - no question asked. it's you, it's always been you.

dear H.

would you answer my call? would you reply my text? i just wanna talk -

remember when?

remember our very first date in sunway when we took pics at the photobooth and then you hugged me? remember when you posted me the pink ring and necklace? remember when we spent the evening in klebang? remember when you got me that avril lavigne tix? remember when you gave me the rose bouquet for my birthday? remember when you waited outside my house from midnight till morning, rang me thousand times, just for me to say no? remember when you sent me iphone to my parents house? remember when you were on your knees and begged me to stay? remember when i emailed you to say sorry? and remember when i texted you after so long - just for you to break me into pieces?

IS THAT ALL THERE IS?

it was the same damn thing, same ass excuses, boy you're useless

z

hey z. i wish you met me before her. i wish i met you before him too. so yeah...

gtfo and disappear

i wish i could just gtfo and disappear from this life. like what am i even doing here? what is the fucking point of this whole fucking thing? i don't understand. in fact i don't give a damn anymore. i just wanna go ahead and get gone. done. finished. KHALAS.

fml

tak boleh ke kau hadap je masalah bodoh kau tu sendiri tak payah nak dump dkt aku? kesah plak aku? masalah aku takde plak aku nak meluah dkt kau. kau buat je la apa yg kau rasa patut buat pastu dah. tak payah lebih2 nak cakap itu ini, tiap kali pun duk ulang2 benda bodoh yg same. the fuck i care? kau serabut dgn hidup kau pastu kau nak serabutkan kepala org lain. bila cakap sikit, tuduh aku tak faham pastu kau revert blk benda2 like im the one to blame. eh babi la. kau nak apa sebenarnya setan? mampos je la sana senang. sial la hidup camni nak kena hadap org mcm kau sampai mati. fuck my life.

thank you for 8 years of hell

resentment

i wish you never sent me that stupid text. i wish i never met him and left you. you were my first love - the moment we met when we were 16.. it was you. it was always you. we were meant to be. we were supposed to be. right until the moment you fucked it up. and then i met him. long story short - now i have to live a life full of betrayal.. and resentment. with no way out. it was all because of you. 

LOML - loss of my life

i feel like im wasting my life away being his wife. everyday goes on like it means nothing, i look forward to nothing. whatever i want, whatever i need, i get it myself. might as well be single. oh god pls lemme have a boyfriend. im so fed up with everything and anything. someone, somebody pls come save me and just take me away, pretty pls.