I'll spend forever wondering if you knew.

I hope nobody read this blog - cos I'm gonna say what I'm gonna say and there won't be any filter. Come to think of it, I'm the one who supposed to cheat. I never get what I want. I'm always lonely. He doesn't care anything about me. No gifts during birthdays or anniversaries, not even kind wishes. No holidays, no lovey-dovey. He knows nothing about me. He doesn't know my friends, places I love to go, foods I like to eat, brands I love to buy, songs I like to hear, movies I like to watch, my favorite things to do, or any sorts of anything about me. I don't even share stuffs to him cos he doesn't get it. In fact, most of the time he wasn't interested. He wasn't invested. I don't matter. He doesn't listen, he doesn't hear me. He doesn't even see me. It was like I'm nothing. It's empty. Hopeless. 

I met L at work. He listens and he cares. But the thing is, he's taken. If only he was single, I think I already gone with him. I stop myself from going too close, and trust me it's so difficult - took the whole of me. I wanted someone like him for so long I can remember. The only thing is that, he wasn't mine to take. I know my place, so I back off. Sometimes, I dreamt bout him. It feels so wrong tho. He smells so good, and his smile is the sweetest. I still got butterflies everytime I see him or even say his name, but I guess that was it. Till then, I'm just stuck with myself and my loneliness - until the day I die. What a sad life, right?