by then - it would be too late.

i wonder what they have done in their life which deserved so much happiness, but all i got is sadness. it's exhausting. nobody understands my struggle. not even those people who i saw everyday. they don't have a clue. everything about my life is miserable. i prayed i'd die in childbirth - i should have to. that would be the end of this. i see no way out. i cannot deal anymore. i'm so insignificant that me leaving this world won't matter much anyway. it's a fact, i know. i don't matter. no one gives a damn. nobody does.