you should've said no, baby -- and you might still have me.

a boy likes a girl. the girl don't know. the boy is ordinary. the girl is pretty. the boy changed. the girl noticed. they became friends. the boy with another one. the girl loves someone. the boy don't mind. so the girl asked the boy out. the boy was happy. then something happened. and they kissed, more than a kiss. it was great, it was weird and crazy. the girl felt guilty. the boy is confused. the girl back off. the boy did to. the girl said sorry. the boy said it's okay. the girl is not okay. the boy is not okay. no it's not okay. was it worth it?

I CAN LIE AND HIDE, AND FOOL YOUR HEART -- IF I WAS A MAN.

hello everybody. i dah dua hari tak pergi dissection class, haha selamba :p banyak hal lah hidup berabur lately. semalam sebab auto strike, celah mana nak pergi class takde transport. nasib baik class test petang tu the boyfie tolong drop me. pagi ni pulak ter-overslept sebab last night see-off the boyfie. dia cuti balik hometown for 3 weeks :( bencinyaaa! i'm gonna be lonely lah macam ni, huu. anw i can't get this thing out of my fucking mind, something which happened the other night. it was super duper hyper awesome, but very very bad at the same time. fuck it, fuck it. i nak pergi layan movie lah, sorang-sorang. kebelakangan ni i banyak tengok movie yang berkualiti. eche dan dan :D contohnya macam brooklyns finest, catch me if you can, city of god, etc etc. well then, now i nak tengok the banquet sambil download hotel rwanda :) yeahh, we rolling!

i started blurring the lines, 'cause i didn't care. i started crossing the line, 'cause you were never there.

ohh? this is so surprising, you went anyway? i remember i've asked you before, only lame ppl will go. mati-mati taknak pergi kan bila i tanya dulu. hujung-hujung pergi jugak :p yeah right, whatever. semua orang pun hipokrit sebenarnya, cuma mengaku tak mengaku je. ada dua kemungkinan, samada you are one of those lame ppl atau you kerek taknak be seen with me in public. i knew it, dari dulu lagi you memang malu kan nak tayang semua orang you were with me? i dah agak dah, fuck you lah you stupid moron behan-chod :D ada aku kesah, fuck. btw last night we did a pinky promise, me and my biggest crush since the first week of the first year in manipal. who is he, that's a secret i'll never tell :)

style of your hair,

shape of your eyes and your nose

the way you stare,

as if you see right through to my soul ...

i just can't understand the ways, of all the men and their mistakes -- you gave them all your heart, and then they rip it all away :(

hey you. i miss you like crazy lah lately. i tak tahu kenapa, maybe sebab you pun rindu i jugak? kah kah, perasan je kan :p semalam bila i was studying with the boyfie, i dengar my ipod, i hampir nak menangis bila dengar your song. bayangkan lah, i nak menangis ingat you depan my boyfie. kah kah, gila tak?

BECAUSE YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUG :)

kadang-kadang i rasa boleh tak kita be together for just one night, tell the truth, say how much we love each other, ignore the rest of the world, don't bother what people may think, let's just be together. and esok, we can go back pretending like you and i were never exist. nak tak?


p/s : ohh you're still stalking my blog, do that means you still care?

LATELY MALAS NAK UPDATE, JADI MARI KITA TENGOK TRAILER OKAYY?

TWILIGHT SAGA : ECLIPSE

HARRY POTTER : DEATHLY HALLOWS

then, forget about the idiots. they're going to see what they want to see. even if you completely changed everything, they wouldn't be happy. they don't want you to change, they want you to go away. i've tried that -- i didn't like it.

TOP 5IVE LELAKI HOT SEDUNIA :D

5. WILL SMITH

4. WENTWORTH MILLER

3. JEFFREY DEAN MORGAN

2. JAY SEAN

1. ENRIQUE IGLESIAS

** ciri-ciri yang mesti ada -- badan perlu tough lah kan :) muka jarang senyum, jadi teruja macam gilaaa nak tengok dia senyum :p mata cantek sangat, like OMG! dan bentuk muka macam bersegi, ehehee dagu macho and skin colour mesti lah yang tanned / tak fair baru handsome :D of course, dark hair itu wajib! niceee ^^

i remember when we kissed

i still feel it on my lips

the time that you danced with me

with no music playing

i remember those simple things

i remember 'til i cry

but the one thing i wish i'd forget

the memory i wanna forget

is goodbye ...

i want this to be over, i so want this to be through.

sorry that i skipped one day. i saw you malam hari tu, so i guess i just lost my word to say. dunia macam stop dah masa tu, and to be honest, i never realized how much i rindu you until i tengok you that night ( even it was just for 2 secs rasanya ) my brain macam kosong, and my heart macam hilang tak tahu pergi mana. and i mimpi you also, masa i tidur that night. OMG i rasa macam betul jadi gila lah :(

in a dream, you appeared. for a while, you were here -- so i keep sleeping, just to keep you with me :)

here comes the rain again, falling from the stars :D

okayy. sebab ear-pain tak baik-baik lagi since monday hari tu, so i went to the hospital this morning. the boyfie dropped me, tho' he's not in a good mood sebab ada this one guy keeps on texting me :( hey it's not my fault that he bugs me, right? but anyway, i dah pergi clinic the other day but doctor tu macam sengal gila. nasib baik this time i pergi hospital, the doctor was better. baik, macam tu lah orang suka :) dia letak something in my ear, and i have to get it remove by next monday. so, my hearing ability is officially reduced to half as for now. hahaa entah apa-apa. well, my today's mood is okay-okay only. i rasa sangat slow, and esok ada spotter pukul 3 petang. boleh bayang tak orang buat exams petang-petang like that? urghh tu waktu i tidur lah, kacau betul! and btw i tak study apa pun lagi, lazy bum :p i nak balik malaysia lah, rindu nak makan mcd and kiss my sis :D kenapa aug lambat sangat ni? haihh T_T

lengloi ♥

the boyfie is not well -- he's catching a fever and cold. so i thought i'm baking a cake for him today. to be precise, a moist chocolate cake. hopefully it'll turns out well and he's gonna like it :) will update soon!

I MISS YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS.

how come we never came closer, when all the stars were aligned? i thought we had a moment ...

MOMMY DEAREST :D

i feel so sad today. exam was, haihh. i dunno what to say :( same old, same old. i wanna go back to my hometown. i don't wanna be here anymore. i miss my mom -- tho' i couldn't really talk much to her ( she's too busy, and my probs are too crappy ) but it feels good just to see her. she's the only person on this earth who can forgive me no matter what bullshits i've done. mama, along rindu! nak balik T_T

i know, cantek kan? this is my mom ♥

&& she's wonderful !

SO I LET GO -- WATCHING YOU, TURN YOUR BACK LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.

urghh esok block exams and i tidur je whole day hari ni! gila tak? okayy dah dah, nak start hafal-ing T_T hopefully boleh jawab, i really really need to pass!

so it annoys me

you wasn't man enough

to come and tell me

that i was never the one ...

23 THINGS ?

sebab my syifa darling cakap open-tag, so yeahh :)

1. hello. my name is syamimi farhanah, mostly orang panggil mimi je :D

2. i ada 5 siblings including me, and semua pun girls. woohoo :p and semua name ada syamimi dekat depan :)

3. my birthday is on 9th october, sama dengan HANIS ZALIKHA :D be jealous!

4. i'm doing MBBS, cuma takde lah minat sangat nak jadi doctor tapi dah terambil course ni nak buat macam mana? full scholarship so my parents tak payah bayar apa-apa :p

5. i suka shopping, that's what i do for living :D i boleh jalan sehari suntuk dalam shopping mall, tak rasa penat masuk into each and every shop yang ada. i love klcc the most :) pavilion the second most :p

6. and bila i nak shop, i prefer pergi dengan girls especially yang boleh consult me baju mana yang paling lawa, or apa-apa barang yang sesuai for me lah, sebab i memang tak reti pilih. i pernah nak beli 2 the very same kinda tops sebab i can't make up my mind which colour lagi cantek -- i know, wtf right?

8. and and, sebab i suka shopping, my money selalu habis. but then money selalu datang balik jugak. guess i'm blessed like that :D

9. i paling benci kalau orang sibuk my life as if dia macam takde life sendiri nak jaga. lagi-lagi kalau he / she is not even my friend. GTFO okayy.

10. lagi satu yang i pantang is that orang yang call me masa i tengah tidur. OMGGG i don't care who you are or whether you didn't even know i was sleeping ; just don't call me.

11. ini khas untuk guys ; kalau you janji pukul 7, datang pukul 7 or 7.15 pun takpe. jangan pukul 8 baru terhegeh nak text me cakap pukul 8.30 baru sampai. i sepak you kang? kalau girls takpe, i can tolerate :)

12. lagi satu untuk guys ; kalau 1st date tu plz ohh plz jangan lah bawak i kedai mamak. sangat tak classy okayy, turn-off gila. yang tak bawak pergi makan lagi lah bengong. weh, orang lapar lah sengal T_T

13. kalau i marah i memang akan swear. contoh ayat -- fuck you lah, fuck you very very much! ( haha padan lah muka, siapa suruh carik pasal? ) kalau sampai dah takde point, baru lah i start menangis T_T huu!

14. i tak kesah langsung kalau orang nak kata i gedik. lebih baik jadi gedik daripada jadi weirdo, atau kampung :p gossip girl pun kau tak pernah tengok lagi ada hati nak komen pasal personality orang. hehh kelakar sungguh :D

15. kalau dalam journey jauh for example macam dalam flight, or train, or even kereta pun, i akan dengar my ipod sambil pura-pura tidur. sorry lah yea orang sebelah ; i memang takkan layan you membebel apa :p

16. well anw i tak suka travel pun sebenarnya, leceh. i suka bila dah sampai tempat yang dituju je :p

17. i prefer darker guys, they're wayyy hotter. fair guys nampak macam gay, kah kah :D

18. i takkan, tak mahu, dan tak pernah ada perasaan nak pergi tengok cerita hantu / thriller / bunuh-bunuh orang dekat cinema. hell no T_T

19. i jenis yang akan reply msg laju-laju. i boleh texting sambil lintas jalan tahu tak, haha so kalau i lambat reply tu maksudnya i memang tak perasan my phone bunyik ( which means i tengah tidur, obviously -- sila refer no. 10 ) or i tengah fikir nak reply apa, or i memang tak kuasa nak reply.

20. kalau i call sekali tu sila angkat, i memang jenis tak suka bugging orang nak call sampai 2 3 kali kecuali ada emergency lah kan. macam tu jugak lah i tak suka orang bugging me :p

21. i suka dancing and singing sebenarnya, selalu berangan-angan nak perform dekat crowd tapi sumpah sampai bila pun takkan berani punya :p ehehee.

22. kalau bilik sepah-sepah barang berterabur tu takpe, tapi jangan kotor or smelly ke apa. yeww :(

23. ppl who are most likely to be my bestfriends are those who listen and don't judge :) semua orang pun buat salah kan, so jangan nak berlagak angelic sangat. provided that when we're together ; we're not mem-boring-kan each other. see, simple kan?

stay the hell outta my life lah, you small-minded ppl !

MYOFB, BITCH :D

i jumpa my friend tadi. borak-borak and all, sat lagi dia cakap dekat i yang ada sorang lagi my " friend " ni sibuk tanya whether i pergi clubbing ke tak? i mean like wtf? apesal busybody sangat hal orang ni? kalau i pergi pun kenapa? i masuk sana guna duet you ke? bodoh nya kau ni, semak boleh tak? padan muka sekarang semua manusia-manusia semak dah kena delete from my fb. kah kah kah :D kalau add semata-mata nak stalk life orang, you can go fuck yourself up. come on lah, you mati ke hidup pun i langsung tak kesah but you pulak menggelabah pasal my life kenapa? what the hell is wrong with you? macam takde kerja lain pulak kan nak sibuk hal orang, jaga hal sendiri sudah. stupid moron ppl :p get outta my face lah weh.

sedarkah kau di sini ku pun terluka, melupakan mu, menafikan mu -- maafkan aku :'(

if that's what you want -- all right :)

mari bercakap tentang break-up :) i've been through it so many times that i dah boleh trace dia punya phases :p phase pertama, of course mesti lah sedih. tahap kesedihan pula bergantung kepada betapa sayangnya you dekat dia. lagi sayang, lagi sedih. peringkat paling kronik is that, you akan menangis macam orang gila. maybe this one is applied untuk girls je, but guys also sometimes akan menangis juga. cuma diorang takkan tunjuk je, yelah ego kan :p phase kedua, you akan jadi angry, menyampah, benci, dan seumpamanya. peringkat ni termasuk lah screaming, calling names, throwing things, deleting photos, etc. bab-bab buang barang ni i dah pernah cuba dulu, pastu menyesal. yeahh bila dah masuk peringkat regret, tu adalah phase ketiga. menyesal lah, contohnya you akan fikir balik kenapa semua benda boleh jadi macam ni. and then you akan fikir, what if certain things yang membawa towards the break-up tu tak jadi. pastu you akan teringat semua benda yang buat you happy, masa ni lah you akan rindu sangat dekat dia. beware, this is the most dangerous time. you akan buat benda-benda bodoh such as texting, calling, or even asking that one person to get back together. ohh pathetic :( until one day, bila you dah berjaya get over this phase you akan masuk phase seterusnya -- which is don't bother and don't care. banyak faktor yang mendorong kepada tahap terakhir ni, contohnya kesedaran diri sendiri yang semua pun dah takde maknanya sekarang, or you dah realize how such a loser that person is, or mungkin juga you dah jumpa orang lain yang treat you much better :D so wella!

YOU'LL ALWAYS BE IN MY LIFE, EVEN IF I'M NOT IN YOUR LIFE.

selain daripada results yang menghampakan, no i takde update lain. sebab sekarang musim hujan, perasaan pun emo-ish je. terasa cepat gila annoyed kot. dah laa badan macam bloating sana sini, kuat makan pulak tu. tak boleh elak sebab asek lapar :p pastu exams makin lama makin dekat, takut tapi pemalas nak belajar. macam baca apa pun semua pun taknak masuk, fikiran terbang-terbang tak tahu pergi mana. and the best part is, i'm ridiculosly maseh rindu dekat you :(

tengahari tadi dekat fc i nampak you. hati i macam nak pecah :( so i laju-laju makan, and i nak balik cepat-cepat tak kesah lah hujan lebat ke apa. i nak balik, i taknak tengok you, i tak boleh. i tak tahu sampai bila akan jadi macam ni, tapi i memang tak mahu tengok you lagi sekarang. i benci you buat i macam ni. sakit sangat lah. but at least, i dah tak menangis pasal you lagi. that's a good thing :)

YOU SAID MOVE ON, WHERE DO I GO?

OMGGGG. MINGGU DEPAN ADA BLOCK EXAMS RUPANYA! KENAPA MACAM LAJU SANGAT? I MACAM TAK SEDAR KOT, ENJOY TERLEBIH. SABTU NI SPOTTER -- I'M FUCKING DEAD T_T

this week is officially the boyfie week :) among the nicest things are -- bangun pagi-pagi hujan, sejuk-sejuk lepak dekat balkoni, pergi breakfast, balik tengok movie, order-in pizza, merepek gaduh-gaduh dan making each other annoyed, and malam shisha pulak :D yeah i'm happy, i am. kalau i tak tiba-tiba terfikir pasal someone tu lah :( tak boleh nak buat apa dah.

hanya dirimu yang pernah tenangkan ku dalam pelukmu -- saat ku menangis :')

tak pernah ku mencuba dan tak ingin ku mengisi hatiku dengan cinta yang lain, kan ku biarkan ruang hampa di dalam hidupku ...

bosan lah cakap pasal lelaki, love, semua ni. let's write about something else. kebelakangan ni, i terasa macam stranger dekat tempat sendiri. i barely slept at my place, and most of the time dah tentu mesti ada " bestfriend " si flat-chest tu dekat sini. hehh bukan macam kawan baik pun, more to orang suruhan je i tengok. kena arah itu ini, ahh kesian :p anw bosan boleh? i macam dah tak bebas nak bergerak okayy. and the best part is, diorang boleh pulak buat muka macam haram bila kawan i yang came over. seriously, gila tak fair weh. nasib baik lah korang nak blah dah february depan, sumpah i dah bosan :p sebenarnya kan, lagi cepat B23 blah lagi bagus. semak je semua-semua pun. lagi satu gf si bangang yang paranoid tu, stalk blog orang lah apa bagai. yeww gila tak reti malu kau ni yea dah ar tak hot, hahahaa. except my darling B. lah :( i'll be missing her like hell bila dia pergi nanti, that's for sure. sekarang sebab blog sudah private, baru seronok nak tulis ikut suka :D yeayy.

WOULDN'T YOU SAY YOU WERE LONELY AND LOVE WAS BREAKING YOUR HEART ?

remember, i didn't walk away -- you let me go.

mula-mula i ingat nak isi masa lapang je dengan dia, plus it's easier for me untuk lupakan encik chicken kalau i macam dah ada orang lain, move on semua. tapi sekarang, i dunno. i mula tersuka sikit kot? dia baik lah, layan me baik gila. dia je yang sabar with me kalau sometimes i buat perangai, instead of calling me " emo " :p gosh i hate that term! and last nite, he talked of being the most wonderful guy i ever had. come to think about it -- yeah i think he is :)

today sangat moody, so humour me :D mari bercakap tentang lelaki sour-grape! diorang ni bila kita layan dia dulu, dia budget kita terhegeh sangat nak dia. pastu dia mula menggelabah takut kita tersuka lebih dekat dia, and then dia start lah kasi alasan konon-konon macam dia tak ready lagi apa bagai. i mean like, seriously? yeah we're flirting. tapi kalau you're playing me, i dah played you lama dulu kot :p pastu bila kita dah move on, dia blame kita. dia cakap kita fucked him up. and then bila kita dah hilang feeling, dia cuba datang balik. macam pura-pura je semua tu kan but really, what do you want from me actually? you sebenarnya taknak pun dekat i, tapi you suka perasaan bila i nak dekat you. kan kan? uh-huh i faham dah :)

when people we care about suddenly turn against us, we can come up with all sorts of reasons to explain it -- who knows what really happened?

IF YOU HAVE TO LEAVE, I WISH THAT YOU WOULD JUST LEAVE.

BRAIN : boleh, mesti boleh punya.

HEART : ahh, tak boleh. maseh ingat dia :(

BRAIN : habis tu, cuba fikir boleh buat apa lagi?

HEART : tak, tak boleh fikir. asek rindu dia je, macam gila.

BRAIN : tapi sekarang kan dah happy, layan perasaan sedih kenapa?

HEART : memang taknak, tapi rasa tu selalu je ada.

BRAIN : dah, takde guna. tak payah ingat lagi dah.

HEART : awak senang lah nak lupa semua benda ..

BRAIN : awak tu yang lemah sangat, kuat sikit okay?

HEART : hmm, okay.

sugar town :) :) :)

you know, this isn't the first time

this has happened to me,

this love-sick thing :)

i like serious relationships -- and

a girl like me don't stay single for long

'cause everytime a boyfriend and i break-up

my world is crushed and i'm all alone

the love bug crawls right back up

and bites me and i'm backkk :D

GO-GO-GOAAA :D

tepi jalan :D

lelaki kacak :)

perempuan gedik :p

beach ♥

sand is over-rated, it's just tiny little rocks :)

hey there. sorry for being gone for awhile. i was away and now i'm back :) next entry for the updates sebab kejap lagi ada test tapi tak baca apa-apa yet. urgh benci gila, okay lah see ya!

MY FAULT, YOUR MISTAKE.

why did boys always do that? why they have to justify everything? why can't they just say " i'm sorry ".

hey chicken !

good luck :)

tho' i still marah 'bout everything,

i wish you well anyway.

don't worry so much,

you'll do just fine.

state the obvious, i didn't get my perfect fantasy :p

entry ni khas untuk the super ex-bf, tapi kalau ada anyone nak baca pun boleh je takde hal. ayuhh :D hari tu kan, masa birthday you, my bestie cakap nampak you dekat tempat karaoke. then ada lah sorang lagi kawan my bestie also dekat situ. yang tak boleh blah nya pastu my bestie pun bisik lah kata, eyh eyh itu ex-bf syamimi sambil pointed to you ar kan. then nak tahu apa kawan my bestie jawab? ohh ye ke? buruk gila! kahkah. meh meh replay balik. ohh ye ke? buruk gila! kahkahkah. terhina tak rasa? i pun tak paham kenapa ntah boleh tersuka dekat you dulu, no wonder lah sume orang pun pelik. tak sesuai kot, you buruk gila. mu-ha-ha anw, berapa banyak perempuan hodoh you pergi fuck that day? bagus lah together you guys make super ugly babies, yewww!

HE KISSED MY LIPS, I TASTE YOUR MOUTH. HE PULLED ME IN, I WAS DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF :(

if you want me -- it takes more than a wink, more than a drink, more than you think :)

money is always the issue. i promised to myself, long long time ago, i'm not gonna end up with someone who can't pay for me. i grew up watching how hard was it for my mom to pay for everything, and i don't wanna be that woman. i won't suffer like her. there's no need for you to say money won't buy happiness, or love could conquer it all, or whatever the crap is, i won't buy it. those shits just don't cut it anymore. no matter how hot, how good, or how nice you think you are -- you pay the bill, 'cause that's the deal.

i supposed i think about love more than anyone really should. it was Shakespeare who also said LOVE IS BLIND -- now, that is something i know to be true :) for some, quite inexplicably -- love fades. for others, love is simply lost. but then of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night :)

I SUPPOSED, THIS IS HOW THE STORY GOES :D

ehehee tetiba ter-main twitter pulak sekarang, macam besh kot benda ni. boleh update anything ikut suka, tak payah macam annoying gila nak update fb status tiap masa. eyh i tak outdated okayy, dah lama ada account dia cuma dulu agak kurang minat nak main. password pun sampai dah lupa, tadi baru re-create balik :D for those yang interested, ayuhh follow :

http://twitter.com/mimiehanna

flooded with all this pain, knowing that i'll never hold you -- like i did before the storm :(

i was having the worst hangover this morning. i never felt this sick, and the great part is my anatomy spotter was in the afternoon. tu laa pandai sangat keluar enjoy tak beragak di malam exam, tapi tapi, nasib baik the paper was easy! fuhh luckily :) well anw, i miss you like a lot :( remember i jaga you dulu masa you pass out, baik tak i? ehehee i used to love you that much. you know, sebab utama we may never be together ( because of our " difference " ) i might as well just leave my home, my family, our country -- for you. betul ni tak tipu, i sayang you that much. but now things happened :( we lost it. i pun tak tahu apa nak buat except hidup macam biasa and be happy with whatever yang ada depan i. you tahu kalau you mintak i patah balik pada you, bila-bila also i sanggup. tapi you taknak. maybe it's true, i wasn't the girl for you. maybe sebab i ni mengada-ngada, i suka complained benda remeh dekat you, i kadang-kadang marah you je, i tak layan you good enough, i'm a failure, i tak pernah yakin of myself, i tak cukup fun to you, etc etc. maybe that's why you dunno whether you love me or not, maybe sebab memang you tak love me. i je yang terhegeh-hegeh, kan?

hanya dirimu yang ku cinta dan ku kenang, di dalam hatiku takkan pernah hilang -- bayangan dirimu untuk selamanya.

FUCK WHAT I SAID, IT DON'T MEAN SHIT NOW.

rasa sangat tak boleh blah ar today, disappointed gila. benci lah. tak kira buat berapa juta kali pun, kalau memang tak boleh, memang tak boleh jugak. bullshit lah. rasa nak bakar semua benda, pergi mampus lah. semenjak datang sini je jadi macam bodoh gila, tak pernah gagal seumur hidup kot sebelum ni. even add maths dulu-dulu zaman sekolah relax je dapat 100 % tapi bila sampai sini tak tidur 2 hari 2 malam pun nak dapat takat 50 % macam mustahil. eyh fuck that shit up lah, nak pergi terjun bangunan. bye.

I DON'T CARE, I HAVE NO LUCK -- I DON'T MISS IT ALL THAT MUCH :)

it's good to have this type of r/ship, really. no need to give too much effort on it, and my big focus don't have to be on it. he got his life, and i got mine. better off that way, i guess. in fact, i don't even know how to put my feeling towards anyone ever again. all this while, i've been trying too much and that's completely worthless. love sux big time, so fuck it. i got so many things, and too little time :)

hey sexy girl, from kuala-la-la lumpur :D hey baby, that's me -- i'll be on the dance-floor!

here i have one more video to share :D aww, mizz nina is super duper hyper hot! she's a malay girl, from malaysia, and she's singing with colby o'donis! like OMGGGG, how cool is that? i'm proud to be malaysian malay, hahahaa! tapi tapi, kalau kita tengok dekat youtube tu, dekat bawah tu, macam-macam orang yang comment -- including those close-minded ppl. biar ar dia nak pakai macam mana, nak gedik ke apa, dia hot kot. rambut lawa, body lawa, yang korang dengki tak beragak kenapa? boleh ke nak nyanyi dengan penyanyi antarabangsa macam dia? ohh plz, takkan mesti nak suruh dia pakai tudung, baju kurung semua kot? dalam international music video, seriously? gila tak berkembang pemikiran. pergi lah duduk dalam gua nangis-nangis bila " penyanyi " akademi fantasia keluar tiap minggu, sengal betul. kalau dah alim sangat kan tak payah lah bukak youtube apa bagai, baca buku ilmiah sana, ni hantar comment kutuk-kutuk singer from your own country, bodoh ar buat semak je korang ni. hehh :p anw you go mizz nina! keep up the good work ♥ muaxx salam perantauan ( tetiba :D )

PENEMUAN TERBARU :D

ME vs LESLIE BIBB

HAHAA VAIN GILA TAK ?

p/s : tengok tu, cuma eyebrow dengan nose je lain. but can't help it lah, i'm asian okayy :DD

ADA DAN TIADA CINTA, BAGIKU TAK MENGAPA -- NAMUN ADA YANG HILANG, SEPARUH DIRIKU.

i spoke to my bestie the other day. and she said, you suka buli i sebenarnya. you, yes you -- the selfish-ignorant-manipulative-coward SOB. sebab apa? well, you boleh fikir sendiri kan. the more i think, the more i realize yang memang there's nothing wrong with me. it's you, it's always you all along. tapi i dah ter-sayang you, nak buat macam mana? huu anw, i usha youtube sambil belajar last nite. then i jumpa lagu bawah ni :D sumpah rindu you sangat, sedih lah :(

i watch the walls around me crumble, but it's not like i won't build them up again :)

hey you. esok i punya block exam, so i think macam takde apa-apa emosi sangat nak cakap dekat you. i miss you, that's for sure :) tapi you study well also, tau? petang ni nak kena mula running balik, since the boyfie pun dah habis exam ( eche, sejak bila ntah ni :D ) yeayy, end-point mari! kadang-kadang i rasa gembira, sometimes rasa macam tipu diri sendiri, urgh i pun tak tahu sebenarnya. but yang i tahu, i kena move on jugak no matter what sebab you taknak dekat i pun kan? better i'm with someone yang hargai i, yang sayang i :) so yeahh. ini bukan emotional black-mail okayy, ini pasrah namanya. you lah, asek buat orang sedih je. siapa boleh tahan?


p/s : jay sean -- bf kedua selepas enrique iglesias. come babyboy! push it up on me harder, harderrrr :p

i will admit it, if you admit it

it's harder than we both thought

it's easier to fall apart

look where we are

i can forgive it, i can't forget it

you've left me here with all these scars

and you can't deny the hardest part

i'm not in your arms ...

sorry. emo terlebih :D okayy perasaan dah stabil sikit. cuma pening kepala sebab tak cukup tidur je, bukan taknak tidur tapi memang tak boleh tidur. woohoo can't wait for tonight! it's saturday night, people. ayuhh chill out and forget our problems! :DD

SAKIT HATI LAH. BY HEARING YOUR NAME ALSO I DAH SAKIT HATI MACAM GILA-GILA SANGAT, I HATE U LAH. LAGI CEPAT U BLAH DARI MANIPAL LAGI BAGUS. OKAYY BYE.

sumpah i sebenarnya tak faham kenapa you perlu wujud dalam hidup i. i tak pernah noticed pasal you langsung pun dulu. i cuma tahu nama you and you punya roll number, tu je. lepas tu tetiba you cakap-cakap dengan i that night. you layan i merepek pasal my stupid ex-bf and, the next thing i know i left my current bf for you. i taknak mengaku sangat i tinggal dia sebab you ( sebab macam pathetic gila je ) tapi memang that was the truth. and the next thing i know, you tetiba tinggal i for god knows what super great reasons. and the next thing i know, you datang balik. i think i was happy tapi kurang sebulan from that, the next thing i know you tinggal i balik. lepas tu seriously, i memang devastated gila. dalam almost two months i cuba taknak sedih, but the next thing i know, we got back together. okayy that was -- undescribable. and then, i yang bodoh ni thought we can make it works. yup, mesti lah i rasa macam tu sebab we did survived that one month when we were apart. but after that, bila kita dekat asyik nak gaduh pulak. gaduh pun over some silly stuffs, and the next thing i know, we broke-up, again. sengal, you ingat i ni roller-coster ke apa? lepas tu dalam dah sebulan, elok-elok i rasa macam dah move on, for OMIGOD I DUNNO WHAT FUCKING REASONS -- you called me, we met up, and then next thing i know, my mind is all messed-up, again. you know what, FY lah. FYVVM. buang lah semua benda, buat lah macam semua tu i yang salah, suka hati your fucking heart lah nak rasa apa, biar lah your fucking brain nak fikir apa, i fucking don't care. half a year hidup i terhabis untuk you je, untuk you je tau, dan sekarang apa yang i dapat? perasaan sakit hati yang sangat-sangat. FM lah.

I'M WAY TOO COOL FOR YOU BOY, THAT'S WHY IT'LL NEVER WORK :D

i'm starting to love my life now. see, i dah laa repeat satu subjek je. free terlampau sebab class sikit sangat. then orang lain duk suffer kena stay up malam-malam study, i relax je layan series. ehehee seronok kot :p pastu sebab i extend satu tahun kan, i dapat scholar lagi banyak dari orang lain. siapa taknak duet free? belajar pun tak payah struggle sangat, class test senang gila, memang hidup lepak gila ah. dulu yelah i asek rasa bosan, tak tahu nak buat apa bagai semua, sekarang dah besh sebab ada someone yang boleh teman i selalu, without i perlu nak rasa guilty ke apa coz amik masa dia. yeayy, i'm awesome! haha tetiba :D okayy sebenarnya perasaan happy ni kesan from yesterday sebab tetiba MAS buat offer -- return tix for 12K rupee je. tengok, i'm so lucky! dah laa tak payah naik airasia yang pelik tu, then tak payah kuar duet sendiri pulak, sebab online booking pakai credit card mama je. yes yes end of august ni balik malaysia, nak shopping sakan with my bestie :) sambut raya, and hantar my darling sister fly to UK. whoaaa good things, much goods ahead! :DD

i need you, more than you'll ever know. i still do, willing to let it show.

i guess i'll keep, i guess you'll keep

every memory

sadly we may never be

i'll bet my tears, i'll bet your tears

i'll bet those tears

over time could disappear ..

you left before, this time you will stay gone -- that's for sure.

serena : yeah, i think i need to be alone for awhile.

nate : whoa, whoa, whoa. wait. i find it in my heart to forgive you for kissing another guy and you're gonna break up with me?

serena : it's not breaking up, it's -- it's just taking a break. it's not you ..

nate : ohh? " it's not you, it's me " right? yes, serena -- it is you. you know, i think it's great that you want to work on yourself, but i'm not gonna wait around to see how things go. so if you're out, you're out.

serena : that's fair. nate, i love you. i really do. but if we're ever gonna have a real chance, this is the only way.

okayy i dunno, it's like a curse or something. tiap kali i kasi apa-apa to the boyfie / or the guy i'm seeing, mesti lepas tu sesuatu yang buruk akan jadi. that bad thing means samada after that kitorg dah tak kawan lagi, or lost contact, or gaduh, or even broke-up. benci okayy. dah laa mahal pulak tu benda-benda yang i bagi, kalau setakat puluh-puluh ringgit takpe lagi. macam sia-sia je, eii geram. rasa nak baling crystal ni sampai pecah. urgh wait up, tak sampai hati lah :( tengok, sejahat-jahat i pun maseh ada perasaan tau. tapi sumpah lepas ni i takkan berhabis macam perempuan bangang dah. pembaziran okayy. takpe if you wanna gimme anything takpe ( you're most welcome, in fact :p ) tapi seriously lah yea, i tak mahu dan takkan beri you apa-apa. i'm sorry, but tukar-tukar hadiah now is sooo not my policy :D

kau beri rasa yang berbeza, mungkin ku salah mengertikannya -- yang ku rasa cinta.

kau hancurkan hatiku, kau hancurkan lagi

kau hancurkan hatiku untuk melihatmu,

kau terangi jiwaku, kau redupkan lagi

kau hancurkan hatiku untuk melihatmu ..

i'll never forget you, they said we'll never make it -- my sweet joy, always remember me :D

it felt so wrong, it felt so right.

i feel so low today. i rindu you lah. bila ingat-ingat balik, rasa bodoh sangat sebab buat you marah pasal fb status tu. if only i tak buat benda bodoh camtu, maybe we're still together. i ni memang bodoh lah. tapi kadang-kadang fikir macam takde motif jugak kerja i asek nak bugging you je. cuba fikir nanti you dah nak unis, mesti you rasa semak gila nak layan i yang selalu emo ni. lepas tu next feb you dah nak balik malaysia for good, but i maseh stuck dekat sini. and i tell you what, LDR adalah sangat-sangat susah :( jadi mungkin ada hikmah jugak kita broke-up sekarang, supaya takkan lebih hurt later. kan? but still, saat-saat you dengan i adalah perasaan yang paling bahagia i pernah rasa. seriously rasa sangat selamat and sangat tenang in your arms. and i miss those moments, i miss the day before yesterday :(

HEY :) I'M GONNA DO ONE THING. SINCE WE'RE NOT GONNA BE TOGETHER ( AT LEAST NOT FOR NOW ) -- I'M GONNA USE THIS BLOG TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU. I'M GONNA WRITE EVERYTHING I FEEL, EACH MOMENT, IN EACH DAY I WENT WITHOUT YOU. IT'S TOO AWKWARD FOR US TO FACE EACH OTHER SINCE WHATEVER HAS HAPPENED YESTERDAY, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE STILL THERE, RIGHT HERE IN MY HEART. I CARE SO MUCH FOR YOU, ALWAYS WILL, AND ALWAYS DO. SUMPAH I SAYANG YOU SANGAT.

and i can't breathe without you, but i have to -- i'm sorry.

kaki saya sakit :( malam tadi lost balance, pastu tersalah step, then jatuh. gila lah, sakit gila. nak jalan tak boleh. nak tidur, kepala sakit. bila bangun, hati sakit. hm perfect lah, the perfect worst day of my life. sudah lah, saya taknak cakap lagi pasal awak. saya taknak fikir, saya taknak ingat. we've been through a lot, and i'm so tired. saya harap takkan terjumpa awak dalam masa terdekat ni, i'll try as much as i could to avoid you. tapi tempat ni kecik :( at least saya takkan buang semua benda pasal kita like you did. it hurts, you know. rasa macam awak buang saya also. but it's okay, saya pun move on jugak. kenapa lah semua kena jadi macam ni? rasa macam nak tinggalkan everything, and pergi jauh.

i never thought that i'd say i don't really miss you -- i lived, i breathed your breath through me.

time has a way of passing by, until i don't remember why or how to hurt for you.

MY VERY FIRST BOUQUET OF ROSES !

i know, cantik kan? it so came out of nowhere! i'm so speechless, and happy! of course i am :) ini kali pertama i dapat bunga from a guy. call me outdated or apa-apa lah, but i really am so so so excited :) hey popcorn, you really make my day :) in the middle of your exams, dengan esok you punya toughest paper, but still, you have time for me, for the most sweetest thing i ever had :) thank you sooooo much :) :) :)

so much for my happy ending :D

semalam tensi-tensi rasa macam nak cut-off my hair. nasib baik tetiba macam boleh berfikir secara rasional balik, mahal kot my hair :p haha seriously, tak tipu takkk. so daripada potong, i just kasi high-lighted balik je. ala-ala golden yellowish gitu, tapi macam tak jadi je. dia macam more into perang-perang orange pulak. whatever lah, janji puas hati. hee :)

it was the same damn thing, same ass excuses -- boy, you're useless.

IS THAT ALL THERE IS ?

my life is super boring. rasa macam takde benda menarik yang pernah berlaku pun. agak-agak kalau i mati esok, takkan ada yang kesah pun. tengok beautiful people dengan hidup mereka yang super beautiful, i'm jealous. i really do :( i tak pernah pergi tempat yang best, i takde memori yang best, i macam tak pernah rasa best pun, ever. if someone was to ask, what is the most happiest moment in my life, seriously, i don't have any. menyedihkan betul, tak?

YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T EVEN CARE.

i'm not a bitch. i don't sleep around, and i don't cheat. except for that one guy whose the reason i left my bf in malaysia, and i really am guilty. i did apologize to the ex, and yeah, it ended up badly for me with that one guy, so you can call it karma. but other than that, all the relationship i had is non-overlapping. who gives a fuck on how fast or slow i'm moving on, i have all the right. i don't live in this fucking world to please you. yet, i just don't understand why it's easier for people to believe what they heard, than to get to know it first, in person. there are always two sides of a story, well how could you judge if you only knew one part? it's unfair. get close, and get to know. if you still feel the need to hate me, then it's just too damn bad. hate me all you want, if that would makes you happy :) your wish.

suara, dengarkanlah aku :) apa khabarnya pujaan hatiku?

aku di sini menunggunya,

masih berharap di dalam hatinya :)

ada yang hilang ketika kau hilang

hatiku, jiwaku

ada yang pergi ketika kau pergi

senyumku, tawaku

hidupku ikut hilang bersamamu

cintaku ikut pergi bersamamu

sementara, aku masih di sini

mencuba tegap berdiri,

tanpamu..

'cause if the world is spinning and i'm still living, it won't be right if ..

mula-mula i macam ada this crazy idea of waiting for you, you know. kalau-kalau nanti we get back together ke apa. i terfikir macam nak jadi faithful dalam diam lah kononnya. tapi after some time, i jadi muak. macam buang masa je, tak ke? kalau you betul-betul nak dekat i kan, dah memang dari dulu lagi you akan pegang i rapat-rapat. bukan lepaskan i pergi, twice pulak tu. and bila cakap bab-bab feeling je, jawapan yang i dapat is " don't know " -- wtf? so here i am, moving on. bukan nak gebang ke apa, but i memang laju je boleh dapat yang lain. senang gila kot. and i tak perlu nak kejar pun, dia datang sendiri :) jadi sekarang step by step, i'm learning how to smile and be happy. just so you know, hidup i ni bergerak tau. tak kesah lah with or without you :D so, yeahh.

tetiba baca benda bawah ni balik rasa nak delete je, macam pathetic gila bunyi dia tak? sengal betul lah.

happily never after :(

i tak happy pun, i tipu je sebenarnya. i maseh ingat dekat you kot, every second, everyday :( i sedih lah. tiap kali fikir pasal you, pasal whatever we had before, dada i sakit sangat. i rindu you :( i memang betul sayang dekat you, tahu tak? tapi bila i sedar yang we're never gonna be together, i rasa kecewa sangat. i tak tahu benda akan jadi susah macam ni. kita memang takde chance dah yea? you memang dah taknak dekat i yea? you tak reply my msg pun, you macam ignore i terus je. i tak tahu apa nak buat lagi, i rasa nak mati lah :( i can't take it anymore.

SIAPA KATA SEKSI HARUS MENDEDAHKAN YANG LANJUR ?

hahahahahahahaaaa gembira tak terhingga! okayy bye!

you went to all your friends to brag, guys are always such a drag :D

okayy, lately dah macam-macam kontroversi berlaku. but for me, lebih baik i diam sudah. lantak korang lah nak gampang apa benda, i don't give a damn. paling hebat pun i lepas geram dekat my blog yang cantek ni, takkan tu pun tak boleh tak? kalau tak puas hati jugak, pergi lah buat your own blog and tulis lah semua apa bangang story yang ada. tak payah sangat nak update your fb status sampai berapa perenggan, jenuh orang nak baca :p yang sorang lagi tu pulak, tak payah sangat nak kecoh pasal keburukan orang. we all screwed-up, sometimes. tapi semua apa benda yang i tahu pasal you, i tak pernah ada hati nak heboh dekat orang kot. susah sangat ke nak faham yang i memang tak suka, tak ingin, tak kuasa, tak selera langsung nak amik tahu hal orang lain lah. buat semak kepala otak i je, dah tu kenapa sangat lah orang lain tak boleh nak return the favor? benci sial duduk dekat tempat bodoh macam ni. orang siuman pun boleh jadi gila, apatah lagi orang yang dah memang sedia gila. tengok tu, orang lain yang jadi mangsa.

DO YOU GET, DO YOU GET A LITTLE KICK OUT OF BEING SMALL-MINDED?

susahnya hidup dalam dunia yang sempit, di tambah pula dengan orang-orang yang berfikiran sempit. seingat hidup i lah kan, i tak pernah kesah pun apa yang orang lain nak buat dalam their fucking life. mereka mati ke hidup pun i langsung tak kesah. aneh bukan? nampak sangat hidup diorang sungguh tidak menarik sampai perlu bercerita pasal hidup orang lain untuk menghiburkan hati. kesian lah. paling tak boleh tahan, bila i failed ke, i sedih ke, nanges sorang-sorang dekat tepi tangga macam orang gila sebab mereka yang mengaku " kawan " tu sanggup biar i tak dapat balik malaysia, takde pulak yang amik pedulik. bila i happy-happy ada someone temankan i, whoaaa bukan main lagi kau nak berteriak satu kampung yang pathetic ni konon-konon sebab care pasal aku lah sekarang. go to hell lah manusia! or at least kan, go butt-fucking yourself up, eat shit, and die :) daa!

you thought the way you taste would get me high?

susah rupanya nak get over someone once dah tersuka :( i thought kalau ada orang baru mestilah senang je, sebenarnya ingat lagi rupanya dekat yang lama. this is fucking stupid lah. feel like banging the wall T_T

YOU'RE NOTHING BUT AN ACTION, BABY -- I'M THE STAR :D

i selalu klau orang tu dah cukup familiar, nampak dekat luar i memang say hi or at least senyum lah. tak kesah guys ke girls ke. but yang jadi masalah sekarang, ada certain guys tu, klau nampak i memang dah boleh agak dia nak smile to me, tapi at the same time, riak muka dia akan risau gila sambil pandang the gf dengan harapan minah tu takkan notice yang dia tegur i. i mean like, seriously? kes kedua, sometimes dekat fb tu kan the bf yang tegur i dulu, i balas je sebab memang kawan baik kot dari zaman sekolah plak. cakap pun main kau, aku je. sat lagi ujung-ujung bawah tu, ada this irritating gf akan mula tetiba buat smiley pelik tak pasal-pasal, then cakap enough laa apa bagai. i mean like, wtf? eyh, orang tak hadap lah bf awak tu. klau dah paranoid sangat kan, apa kata awak bawak dia sorok dalam ceruk gua ke apa. simpan lah dia sampai jadi rangka pun takpe untuk awak hadap sorang je. menggelabah tak tentu pasal adalah sangat tidak sexy okayy. tapi guys ni pun sometimes ada yang one kind jugak. esp malay guys, really. look, kalau i tegur you, tak kesah lah dalam fb atau di kehidupan sebenar ( real life, i mean ) tak maksud i dah jatuh hati nak mampos dekat you. yang dalam fb tu yang paling tak boleh blah. fb tak pernah kasi maksud dalam my life langsung kot, it's just one silly social networking. i layan sebab i nak main game dalam tu je kot. urgh, sebab tu i prefer non-malay guys sebenarnya. for me, mereka lebih open-minded. kurang-kurang i tak jadi mangsa keadaan. bila tak friendly kau kata aku sombong, bila aku ada mood nak layan kau budget aku nak flirt. ohh please, hot ke tak sebenarnya yang nak perasan sangat tu? bluekk.

where did i go wrong? i lost a friend ; somewhere along in the bitterness.

i believe kalau kita mahukan sesuatu, kita akan work for it. tapi kalau kita biarkan je dia, maknanya kita sebenarnya bukan betul-betul nak pun. and mesti lah, somehow someday somebody's gonna take it away, awayyy from you :) lepas tu jangan lah nak menyesal, dah silap sendiri kan? anw cakap pasal mistake, i pun ada banyak buat salah. cuma bezanya, i mengaku kalau memang i yang salah. at least i tak ego. kalau i suka, i cakap i suka. kalau i sayang, i cakap i sayang. kalau i rindu, i cakap i rindu. kalau i benci, kalau i marah, kalau i menyampah, semua i kasi tahu. tapi memang lah kadang-kadang tak boleh tulis sini i kata pasal siapa, sebab ini public blog and i tak tahu siapa je yang ada baca. justeru agak sedikit bahaya di situ :p benda kalau boleh avoid, avoid lah. but bukan maksud kita kena hipokrit. a lil bit nak fake i tengah senyum tu kira okay lagi lah, nanti mereka tanya kenapa i selalu emo pulak. i tak kot, i hyper je dengan orang yang i seronok to be with lah :D and tak semua orang i boleh campur, depends lah kan? yang penting i tak sibuk hal orang, tu je :)


p/s : ini gambar zaman myspace. i hate myspace, tempat berjumpa orang-orang gila :(

I DON'T WANT A BROKEN HEART, I DON'T WANNA PLAY THAT PART.

uh-huh, today was awesome :D i'm not in a bad luck as i always thought. hey you, yes you -- you're finally outta my head, ay ya ya!