FOREVER MORE, I SWEAR :D

" they're all part of the list, things that i miss ; things like your funny little laugh, or the way you smile, or the way we kiss. and you live in my memories -- forever more, i swear. "

standing out in the rain, knowing now it's really over -- please don't leave me alone :(

apa lah, buat orang sedih je. dah laa, nak pergi mati kejap. nanti-nanti esok lusa kalau terasa ada mood, hidup balik. boleh tak? dah macam nak gila :( so sad.

APA YANG YOU NAK SEBENARNYA? OHH YES, I'M AGREED WITH UNCERTAIN. OHH NO, YOU COULDN'T BE BOTHERED. TAHU TAK BETAPA DUNIA I ASEK REVOLVED AROUND YOU JE, AND SEDAR TAK BETAPA UNFAIR IS THAT? I TAK BOLEH EMO KALAU I TUNGGU BERAPA LAMA NAK JUMPA YOU LEPAS TU YOU SURUH I BALIK CEPAT BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO DO, TAPI YOU BOLEH EMO PASAL MY STUPID FAKE STATUS. YOU TAKNAK SERIOUS, TAPI I TAK BOLEH MAIN-MAIN. YOU BOLEH DATANG PERGI DEKAT I IKUT SUKA HATI YOU, I TAK BOLEH DATANG PERGI DEKAT YOU IKUT SUKA HATI I. YOU TAK TAHU WHERE I STAND, TAPI I TAK BOLEH FALL FOR YOU. YOU MARAH BILA KATA I BROKE, TAPI I TAK BOLEH MINTAK TOLONG ORANG LAIN. YOU BOLEH KASI I SILENT TREATMENT, YOU BOLEH TINGGAL I ANYTIME, YOU BOLEH PUJUK I ANYTIME, YOU BOLEH CAKAP SORRY ANYTIME, YOU BOLEH CARIK I ANYTIME. IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, YOU, AND YOU. AND THE BEST PART IS, I'M THE ONE TO BLAME.

i told you i'm not bulletproof -- now you know.

i'm sick and tired of your attitude

i'm feeling like i don't know you

you tell me that you want me then cut me down

i'm sick and tired of your reasons

i've got no one to believe in

you ask me for my love then you push me around

why do you have to make me feel small

so you can feel whole inside?

why do you have to put down my dreams

so you're the only thing on my mind?

girls. don't ever ever trust the sweet talker guys, never! lelaki memang ditakdirkan untuk tak jadi romantik, that's how their feelings work. justeru kalau dia tak tahu apa pasal bukan main pandai lagi nak mengayat bunga-bintang semua, sah-sah sangat lah ada motif lain dekat situ. macam my bestie cakap, penjahat sebenarnya :D HAHA kelakar okayy.

ONCE AND FOR REAL :DD

" are we an item? boy, quit playing. we're just friends, what are you saying? said there's another as you look right in my eyes. my first love, broke my heart for the first time. "

i would never wish bad things ; but i don't wish you well :)

first of all, nape tiap kali dgr theme song HOUSE MD je baru smgt nk belajar? baru terasa mcm bangga, eyh bakal doctor rupanya. haha and guess what? ( khas utk the super ex-bf okayy ) yeah, you can go on banging those retarded sluts and cheap whores, cuma nya nnt klau dh kena AIDS jgn nk dtg hospital carik aku yea. whoa pstu kang baru lah kau sedar kn langit tu sbnrnya tinggi ke rendah :D alrite, moving on. you know, ada this not-so-friend-of-mine ni bersungguh btul seh nk duduk dlm my friend list. keje dia request, keje i remove. sat lagi lama-lama mesti lah dh malas, i pun lantak p je lah. dia nk berkawan tu, biar lah ;p me too suka je kot stalk org, it's kinda my thing also lah. but org-org yg hot je lah kn, baru seronok. klau tak, terasa agak kelakar jgk :) hahahaa what a joke.

i want your loving, all your love is revenge. you and me could write a bad romance ^^

bosan lah. smpai diri sndri pun terasa bosan nk ckp bosan tiap-tiap kali. tp sumpah bosan. mcm dh kehabisan benda nk buat dlm dunia, iskk. dh puas dh tido, tgk movie, makan, carik mslh, setel mslh, pstu skrg apa lagi? eyh satu benda nk tulis dkt sini. lelaki kn, sume pun x bleh pakai. yg bleh pakai msti dh taken, atau lbh malang lagi samada he's not interested or he's not interesting. urgh tensi, daa.

&& your hand will always be my favorite one to hold :D

p/s : papa bear, dia busy. class tests, pbl, and so, and so. saya jadi hilang arah :( rinduuu okay.

i like cute guys. i mean not the one with cute face okayy ( sebab ini bunyi dia sungguh gay ) but the one with cute attitude, ehehehee. like when he texts me early in the morning just to say he's sorry, when he shows up at my door just because i said i'm not in a good shape, when he kisses me on the forehead and says i'm beautiful and smile ; cute smile, in fact ♥

darling, you are the only exception :)

rasa macam nak menangis banyak-banyak sangat. rasa macam jantung nak pecah. rasa macam semua pun dah tak ada makna. rasa macam otak dah berhenti, hati dah hilang. rasa macam lemah sangat, tak tahan sangat.

sleep is overrated -- we stay awake and cry. if this is love, then kill me now and save me from my life.

BECAUSE I AM A GIRL :(

small-small things that matter : when i left without a word, when i forgot to text, when i didn't want to look, when everything seems awkward, when something stupid happened, and when i just don't bother.

i don't shut up, i grow up -- and when i look at you, i throw up :D

sejahat-jahat i pun, i hidup x kacau org. i cuma jd kejam, atau lose control, or dlm erti kata lain mcm kurg ajar sket ( or myb lah bnyk kot ) klau you yg mula dulu. i mean, seriously. you xde life sndri ke yg nk sibuk-sibuk dgn life org? bkn nk ckp i ni ada life sgt pun, even i pun x kesah kot i ada life ke x. same je, i'm still living and i'm alive. kdg-kdg i x mau pun hidup klau cmni, dh ckp bnyk kali kn i mmg dh sedia benci my life. sumpah i mmg pentingkn diri i je, and i x pedulik lgsg kot apa yg berlaku sekeliling you. jd skrg bleh x you jgn kesah psl i. bkn besh pun i ni yg you smgt sgt nk amik tahu kot. everything bout me is damn fucked-up. x perlu lah payah-payah you nk judge, nk kata apa, ckp mcm-mcm whatsoever. you x lalu hidup i kot, and obviously you x rasa pun apa yg hati i prnh rasa. you gelabah apa klau i ni dh x tau jd apa skrg, i ni dh mcm org hilang akal ke apa. apa benda yg jd dlm hidup i ni ada affect hidup you ke, x kn. justeru, apa kata skrg you diam. pergi buat hal you, biar i buat hal i. thx.

HARUS BANGKIT SEMULA, SAMPAI HATIMU MEMANDANGKU -- TERUJA :)

baru bangun, kepala pening. ya ampunnn, tidur je kerja. dah-dah nak siap-siap. ada date :D hahaha this is what we're doing, we're dating. or i must say, he's not my bf. he's just the person i'm seeing.

come come baby, come be my toyfriend -- let me play with you.

mula-mula bosan, pastu fikir benda-benda sengal, pastu sakit hati, pastu pura-pura gembira dengan hidup sendiri, pastu penat, pastu tidur, pastu bangun rasa lapar, pastu makan, pastu gemuk, pastu rasa hodoh, pastu tetiba macam nak marah orang, pastu menyesal tak tahu apehal, pastu merepek tak tentu pasal, pastu habis takde benda nak buat dah, pastu okay lah dah malas, bye-bye.

stop it, you're such a baby.

oops. tersedak dengan statement sendiri, tak seronok nya :(

i don't wanna do this anymore.

i hate my life. i'm fat. i'm ugly. i'm broke. i failed twice, well that makes me stupid. and the great thing is that i don't even like this bloody shit i'm doing. i hate it, i hate it so fucking much that i'd kill to get over it. it's pathetic. and just like blair waldorf ( nak bagi contoh pun perlu yang up ke, menyedihkan betul tak ) i don't have friends. i mean here, i only know ppl. few ppl, well that makes me a loser. i screwed up each and everything. i've made a huge mistake ( i'm talking about a big, massive, sucky-ness black hole kinda mistake ) last year, in which everytime i think of it, it drives me crazy. ohh fuck, i really hate my life. i don't know why such a useless, hopeless, and helpless person like me is even alive also. could someone plz just do something and put an end to this? it would be nice :)

valentine's day is a nice movie lah, very very nice indeed. siapa kata bosan memang tak boleh geng ;p

he said ; so let me introduce you to my world, with diamonds and pearls, all a part of being my girl :D

ini bunyi dia sungguh tempting okay. what can i say, good guys are always taken. the one who's working instead of lepak-ing, the one who's spending hours making money instead of playing dota, the one with toyoto harrier instead of hey guna public je kot senang tak payah nak jem-jem, the one with enough saving to buy a house instead of sony ps3, the one who's listening instead of crappy talking. you see?

if this is about my soul -- take it, i don't want it without you.

p/s : gambar hiasan. this is not the papa bear ;p

go now and die in what way seems best to you :D

walao eh, baru saje habiskan movie marathon LOTR. ada 3 series, tiap satu tu ada 3 parts, and each one tu pulak ada kurang lebih sejam setengah -- kira lah sendiri berapa lama tak? agak lah hampir 15 jam kot, woohoo! but anw, i loveeee samwise gamgee, really. for me he's the real hero lah, not that frodo the bodoh ;p ohh btw, hey papa bear the elf / pointed ears / treebeard ; pergi belajar lah. ehehee :)

okay. terasa seperti hidup dalam gua. i need to get out more often, i supposed. but i don't think i'm ready to face them all :(

i don't want anything more, than to see your face when i open the door.

i don't know why you have to be so mad. this is me, this is who i am. i'm lousy, i tend to fall easily, i'm not that smart, i don't even know what the hell am i talking or what am i doing, and i'm certainly can't decide and be sure about anything, at all. i've been so polite, i've tried very hard to make things right ; but if you couldn't just take it -- well, it's just too damn bad.

'cause what you did to me, i did to you :D

i ingat mama selalu cakap, tak payah baik sangat dekat orang. belum tentu nanti dia akan buat benda yang sama dekat you jugak. tapi serius, mom do knows the best. takpe kalau kita ada few of reliable friends, daripada bunch of useless creatures dalam hidup. lagi satu, jangan susahkan orang justeru later orang pun takkan susahkan kita. kalau something tu boleh buat sendiri, better do it yourself lah. penat kot dengan jenis yang bila nak sesuatu je baru terhegeh datang carik, bila dah taknak apa-apa jalan sebelah pun boleh bantai pura-pura tak nampak. bila nak mintak tolong, eche bukan main muka tembok lagi kan. bila dah tak perlu apa-apa, nak berlagak macam dah terlampau bagus sangat lah sekarang. sebenarnya kadang-kadang tak payah nak kasi banyak sangat, nanti sampai satu tahap dah takde apa-apa nak bagi lagi macam mana?

you're beautiful -- every little piece, love.

morning : a stupid moron said it won't work out. tried to get it outta my pathetic mind, pointless.

noon : cried a few times, no reason -- just feel like it.

evening : a sweetie said it's okay, i could just ask.

night : good place. good foods. can't believe i messed it all up :( i'm so so sorry, sayang.

late night, early morning : finally have the guts to ask. but i got a " don't know " for an answer, hmm.

nevermind lah, thing is good as it is. just drop it, girl :D you're being impossible.

SECOND THOUGHTS.

haihh what to do? what to do? i feel so tired lah. tired of waiting, tired of wasting, tired of doing things, tired of thinking. i mean yeah, i'm happy. well, at least i think i am. but where is this going? feel like i'm stuck on this position of not knowing, and it's killing me. if only i could write my own life, i'll do it in completely different story. the version that i'm in now is sux, totally.

starstrukk :D

OMFGROFLOLWTFSTFU! i broke my rule of satu hari satu entry :( huhuuu so sad, semua ni sebab internet dekat this bloody place buat hal :( benci benci. kali ni bosan gila lah, class 3 hari seminggu, apa nak buat lagi 4 hari yang free tu? ohh my my, i dah boleh buat buku, tak pun travel some new places every weekends, hahahaa. esok papa bear sudah mahu pulang dari bollywood, tak sabar okayy. teruja nak lompat terbang-terbang. macam my brain yang melayang-layang dekat dissection hall, entah apa pakcik tu merepek, main angguk-angguk kepala je janji dia tak tanya soalan. tolonglah boring gilaaa kot :( feel like banging the wall already. urghh padan lah muka sendiri kan :( bluekk padan muka, padan muka.

HEY LADIES, SEKARANG CINTA PAKAI OTAK. JANGAN MAHU RUGI HATI JUGA RUGI WAKTU.

SLAP SLAP SLAP. RASA NAK SLAP PIPI SENDIRI. STUPID GIRL, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN :( BUAT APA CARIK DIA LAGI? TAHU TAK BETAPA JAHATNYA DIA BUAT KAU DULU. PERLU KE NAK INGAT LAGI? BODOH GILA KAU NI. NAK SEDIH-SEDIH LAGI BUAT APA? BODOH BODOH BODOH. MEMANG BODOH SUNGGUH LAH.

look inside, look inside your tiny mind -- now, look a bit harder.

hey tak perlu lah. tak payah nak fake-fake cakap i miss you, kau rindu aku, apa bagai semua. you got me nauseous lah, eii. perangai macam entah apa-apa.

few more days ♥

eheheee, tak sabar okayy. terasa gedik, but whatever lah. yeayy mahu pulang sudah :)

my to-do-list sepanjang percutian saya di malaysia ini sudah hampir complete. masa pun sudah semakin suntuk. tapi tetiba macam malas nak pergi. nak, memang lah nak sangat-sangat jumpa my papa bear, tapi taknak lah masuk dissection hall tu lagi. two years buat benda yang sama. terasa macam nak mati lah, tak ke?

sorry -- i cannot hear you, i'm kinda busy.

sesetengah orang memang ditakdirkan untuk jadi manusia yang begitu membosankan. tak kira berapa banyak pun kita cuba nak kasi peluang, contohnya mungkin dia tengah bad day ke apa sebab tu dia sangat boring dan memboringkan, tapi next time bila kita jumpa dia lagi, atau cakap dalam telefon ke, atau texting je lah pun kan, dia masih macam tu jugak -- membosankan. terasa sungguh bangang berkawan dengan jenis manusia macam ni, lebih-lebih lagi bila terperangkap dalam situasi yang tetiba awkward. ohh please, blah jauh-jauh boleh? bosan lah.

this is what BFF look like :)

SATU MINGGU LAGI ^^

i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i could type this whole page, and i still miss you. i miss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu :D

with your face and your beautiful eyes, and the conversation with the little white lies, and the faded picture of a beautiful night :D

LDR is sooo not for me.

it's boring, it's messy, it's complicated, and it's tiring. enough said.

that could only be explained by one thing -- fate :)

as much as i told myself i'd love this place, i really don't. yeahh few things are good, but most of them are sux. i don't really like being there also. but it's the only place where i got my freedom ( when i'm just busy doing my thing, without the need of getting involved with them -- of course ) and i got him :D i can't wait to finish it all, get the bloody title, and buzz off to some other places. i got this huge massive fantasy of settle down in such places like miami, las vegas, or maybe new york
( woohoo ;p ) -- well, it could have been in a world where nice things happen to me. but in the time being, let's just enjoy the moment. i wanna get back, have fun with plenty of my time taking that one silly subject for the fucking 3rd attempt, and be happy with my precious papa bear :) hey, i sayang you juta-juta banyak macam bintang lah ♥

YOU GOTTA RISK IT TO GET THE BISCUIT :D

what the hell is wrong with you? you want me, so be it. tapi jangan lah fikir i pulak yang nak merangkak terhegeh dekat you, kalau dah you pun duduk je terbangang diam-diam dekat situ. memang tak lah kan. nak tengok pun macam tak menarik langsung kot. lain lah kalau you tu enrique iglesias ke kan logik lah juga. you tak perlu cuba apa-apa pun i dah memang cinta kot ♥

it's like a million little stars, spelling out your name :)

you are literally too stupid to insult :D

hee entry di sini tiada kena mengena dengan tajuk di atas. damn, i hate this part. since when i perlu terangkan whatever post yang i nak publish? yes yes, since orang selalu bising nak tanya i tengah tulis pasal siapa, and since terdapat certain ppl yang tetiba ter-feeling i tengah tulis pasal dia. maaf lah yea ^^

dua minggu, ada 2 kinda news :

1. dapat jumpa si papa bear :) yeay, i miss you macam gila-gila sangat okayy.

2. something dah terlewat. i'm freaking out, i don't know what to think :(

TADI DEKAT KLCC GATAL SANGAT PERGI TANYA PROMOTER TU, GEDIK NAK TRY BAU BENDA NI. OHH I MACAM TERASA NAK MATI. FUCK YOU LAH, BANJINGAN.

but tonight, i'm cleaning out my closet :)

this will be the last holiday i'm going to spend in malaysia. after this, i'm not going back. fuck it lah. home is such a pathetic place. i'm sorry momma. i never meant to hurt you. ( but apparently -- i'm hurting enough. ) lagi pun, i ada few places in my mind ; such as phuket, bandung, bali, etc. nak suruh i travel india memang tak lah kan. i tak suka orang dia. malaysian-indian i suka lah. SHH, DIAM-DIAM :D

dah laa. tak larat dah nak kejar you. i dah penat.

padan lah muka kan ?

see. your blog pun dah lama tak update. pengunjung setia you semua pun duk pakat kutuk you kot. kenapa? dah tak hot dah? sakit dah sekarang? masuk hospital kena AIDS? mesti you dah miskin papa kedana kan? sorry lah i pun taknak kot pedulik your " hyper great " life tu, budget seronok ke nak bazir space dekat my blog yang cute ni for you. even macam takde orang baca pun i susah apa. cuma nya terasa besh i ada bahan nak maki you. HAHA loser, apa kata you pergi mati je. ahh bahagia nyaaa :D

EYH EYH. ORANG TAK HADAP LAH DENGAN BF AWAK. YANG NAK MENGGELABAH SANGAT TU KENAPA? TU LAA, DAH MEMANG DASAR KAMPUNG-FREAK :D

terlebih gedik pun tak elok :D

sorry. tak faham lah dengan couple gedik dekat fb tu. aneh betul, tak ke you both could always 24 hours nak call, text each other, manja-manja ke, ber-ayat manis, jiwang karat, cinta hati, lovey-dovey, bunga bintang semua kan. perlu lagi ke nak public-kan your r/ship ; i love you, i miss you, apa bagai semua dekat wall-to-wall. lepas tu mesti lah ppl tengok, jangan nak perasan ppl teruja sangat nak stalk your life yang " super awesome " tu pulak yea. takkan mesti semua orang suka sangat with ke-sweet-an anda berdua kot. serious menyampah okayy.

maybe i should give up :(

" ucapkanlah kasih, satu kata yang ku nantikan. sebab ku tak mampu membaca matamu, mendengar bisikmu.. "

rindu boleh takkk.

hey papa bear. i miss you a lot yesterday. and i miss you a lot and a lot lot more today. and i'm so gonna be missing you very very much tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the day after that, and after that, and yeah. i miss you :( kenapa you kena pergi tour, and kenapa i kena balik malaysia? why lah, huu.

won't hurt a little bit. boy, better get used to it. you can keep talking, but baby, i'm walking away.

" but i'm just a man, you know how we are, i don't wanna be involved -- it's not my fault. "

it's like you're only thinking about yourself. it's just you, you, you and no one else. so take this responsibility -- you shoulda put something on.

BOYS JUST COME AND GO LIKE SEASONS :D

to chase or to be chased? both are equally nice, so yeah -- i couldn't care less. but hey little momma, i don't wanna take your man :)

sometimes you just have to shut the fuck up, bite your lips, fake a damn smile, and walk away.

ONE DAY.

one day, you'll see me -- but only when you're dreaming. one day, you'll say i was the one :D

mamita por favor T_T

balik hometown dengan impian nak kurus. konon pergi jogging petang-petang lah kan. tapi dah kalau sambil duduk makan, sambil baring makan, sambil lepak makan, sambil tengok wayang makan, sambil tengok tv makan, sambil cakap-cakap dengan mama makan, sambil dalam kereta makan, sambil main pet society makan, sambil update blog makan, sambil makan pun maseh terasa nak makan -- besar kemungkinan dalam jangka masa sepurnama akan datang, saya akan bertukar menjadi sebiji bola gergasi, atau belon udara, atau pun tong drum, atau mungkin juga sebuah tangki kapal selam. YA AMPUN PLEASE DONG TAKKK.


SEDAP MACAM FUCK WEH. YUP SAYA SUKA SWEAR ; KALAU TAK SUKA CENSORED SENDIRI, TAK RAJIN LAH.

boom boom boom boom, i wanna go boom boom :)

everything seems so slow. can i just get my results already? though sebenarnya dah boleh agak kot apa dia :( can i just go back there now? though sebenarnya i hate that place sooooooo much, tapi sebab dia ada sana saya nak dekat sana juga. can i just get married and have babies? skip this dating / seeing each other thingy. okay, this might be outta topic. HAHA :D

RAGEEEEEEE.

i'm home. semak dan menyampah, like always. it feels good somehow. but yeah, it's just that i'm away from someone, my results are coming out very very soon, i kinda broke though my duet rakyat just came in, it annoys me like hell that i couldn't just be myself, i lie like-a-lot, i fucking fake my smile, it's lonely here, i feel alone, i want him, i really need him, i totally lost my freedom, i miss my papa bear, i wanna go back there, 5 weeks adalah sangat lama, damn i must get that bloody simcard ASAP, sesetengah guys keep on bugging me -- boleh tak kan kalau orang dah kata taknak tu maksudnya taknak lah ; tolong lah kenapa susah sangat nak faham, persekitaran yang membingitkan, cuaca yang merimaskan, urgh semua benda semua pun tak kena lah. GOSH i hate my life damn much muchhh. screwed my english lah, i know i'm stupid. so, macam ada apa-apa lagi nak tambah tak? oh-yeah, anda dipersilakan.

she's got you high, and you don't even know yet.

can i just don't go. i'm not leaving, i don't want to. damn, this sux like hell. everything would sux without you :(

100 POSTS ( woohoo ;p )

you're were right -- it's just wasn't me that you're right about.

okay. i'm not in the mood of talking about love or whatsoever gugu-gaga feelings, but i got this one thing to say. life is too short, and it's also too nice ; for us to keep up with some unnecessary crappy dumb bullshit(s). jadi kalau anda terjumpa orang bangang, orang sengal, orang yang tak berapa nak worth it, orang gila yang tak reti nak guna pakai otak dia lah senang cerita kan ; sila abaikan atau tinggalkan je. betul ni, macam kita takde kerja lain nak buat pulak kan. justeru thanks a lot lah yea, daa.

SUPER DUPER HYPER, BUNGA BINTANG SEMUA PUN ADA :DD

i try my best to satisfy, but all you do is wave me goodbye. i don't know what i'm gonna do, but i'm so crazy about you. even if i don't know where to start, even if my love is tearing me apart. i just know, that you and me -- we are always meant to be :))

you are my light in the dark, you are the beating in my heart. but that is not enough, will i ever be by your side?

THIS IS MY FUCKING BLOG. KALAU TAK SUKA, DON'T FUCKING READ.

hey candy, thanks a lot for the wonderful day. hearts all over :))

i could say that i'll always have feelings for you, but i've got a life ahead and i'm only 20.

you're lucky if you're the girl's first love. and you're lucky if you're the boy's last love. sebab apa? perempuan kalau cinta pertama dia, mana pernah lupa. ingat sampai bila-bila. naive and so pure. lelaki kalau cinta terakhir dia, takkan carik yang lain dah lepas tu. sayang yang tu je. perempuan kalau lepas cinta pertama went wrong, dia akan berhati-hati after that. dia takkan bagi seluruh hati dia untuk cinta yang seterusnya sebab dia dah tahu macam mana sakitnya bila heartbroken at the first place. and macam mana senangnya lelaki nak buat orang sedih banyak-banyak kali. that's why the girl takkan ulang balik the same mistake, percaya pada forever. lelaki pulak selalu buat silap pada cinta pertama. sebab mereka tak faham, kalau ada gf tak makna dia hilang freedom. takde siapa pun expect mereka untuk korban apa-apa, mereka je yang rasa tertekan sendiri as if the gf expect terlalu banyak dari dia. padahal tak. lelaki muda-muda tak matang lagi. mereka tak faham pun love tu apa, even nak cakap perkataan love pun susah. sebab mereka tak tahu macam mana sebenarnya feeling dia bila dah opened your heart. and after some time, lepas dah jumpa berapa banyak perempuan dalam hidup, baru lelaki tu sedar apa yang dia nak. masa tu baru lah the boy become a man. and masa tu lah yang paling ideal for the man to get serious, sebab dia dah tahu siapa sebenarnya he wants to be with forever. and then again, baru lah the girl boleh trust him for her heart. hope for the best, that the man to be as sweet as the her first love. and the man doesn't want no other, only need her till the end. jadi ini yang i rasa lah, but if you tak setuju pun takpe :D

CHERRY CHERRY BOOM BOOM ♥

L-O-V-E is just another word i never learned to pronounce.

sedar tak bila kita dah kasi terlalu banyak dekat orang, semua pun hujung-hujung akan jadi sia-sia. dia takkan hargai langsung sebab dia tahu kalau dunia dah nak terbalik sekali pun, kita tetap akan bagi semua untuk dia, demi dia, apa-apa je asal dia happy. jadi, siapa yang bodoh dekat sini sekarang? here's a classic example. R*** -- i'll do anything for him. cerita dulu lah tapi kan. i'd kill for him, if i had to. went behind my parents, buat mama sedih, abah sedih, macam-macam lagi. spent thousands for him, bought him those tommy h tops, bought him that bloody esprit's watch, silly cards & chocolates, ayat bunga-bunga, urghh bangang gila rasa nak muntah sekarang bila ingat, whatsoever lah, and yeah, his mom. god knows how much i berhabis untuk dia, untuk mama dia. i thought we were meant to be, we're supposed to be. itu tak masuk lagi stuffs yang maaf lah, excuse me yea, i wouldn't write it here. ( hey, ada stalkers kot dekat luar tu. oops, jangan kata saya tak tahu ;p ) then what? what did i get in return? ZERO. i failed my studies, i lost my few good friends, i tak tahu mana pergi setahun yang malang dalam hidup, semua masa hilang macam tu je untuk dia. the love of my life konon, oh please, what a crappy bullshit lah. here me out loud, it was a fucking zero investment. rugi lagi ada lah. he never done the same things to me, or to my mom for that matter, he's damn rude to my dad, he's fucking left me for some random bitches, tipu saya, betrayed saya, keluar pergi club mabuk-mabuk sana sini entah dengan berapa juta perempuan, letak status single macam suka hati bapak dia je, cakap problem saya semak, kurang ajar, berlagak, perasan bagus, budget hot, etc lah. so, my point is -- saya taknak kasi apa-apa lagi. never again will i be fooled, to give my all when nothing is true. semua benda, semua pun belum tentu lagi. i don't even know if i really love you. yes, i might have said that once or twice, but i'm sorry, it was just come out of nowhere. i'm not even sure about anything anymore. mungkin saya hanya terlalu, sungguh, dan amat suka dekat awak, but cinta? no no no, i don't think so. fuck L-O-V-E, it does not exist. it's just a biological drug yang buat orang addicted dan sakit, over and over again. fuck it lah. malas nak fikir lagi. bosan dan membosankan. so long and goodbye, sweetheart. i don't even mean this too, you're not sweet, and if you must know ; you don't even have a fucking heart. daa.

untouchable like a distant diamond sky, and when you're close -- i feel like coming undone :D

NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

i don't wanna hurt you 'cause i don't think it's about you, but you and i have come to our end. believe me when i tell you that i never wanna see you again. and please, can you stop calling 'cause it's getting really boring. and i've told you i don't wanna be friends.

how on earth could i be any more obvious? it never really did and now it's never gonna happen with the two of us. i don't understand what it is that you're chasing after, but it makes me really sad to hear you sound so desperate -- it just makes it harder.

and i don't know why, but with you i'd dance. in a storm, in my best dress -- fearless :)

CAREFUL, GIRL.

count backwards 5 4 3 2 1 -- before you get too heated and turned on. you should have learned your lesson all in times before ; you've been bruised, you've been broken.

then there's my mind saying " THINK BEFORE YOU GO " through that door it could lead you nowhere. this guy has got you all romantic, crazy in your head. do you think i'd listen? no, i don't care.

my conscious saying " GET DOWN OFF THIS DREAM " it's too dangerous and deadly. i can't focus, i can't stop. you got me spinning round, round, round, round.

and then there's my sense saying " STOP BEFORE YOU FALL " i don't wanna pick you up again, this time. he's got you all romantic, and crazier each day. do you think i'd listen? there's no way.

pembaziran.

i don't feel well. maybe because kepala saya pening. maybe because perut saya sakit. maybe because saya dah makin plumpy. maybe because rambut saya ugly. maybe because sleep-deprived yang langsung tak worth it. maybe because semua orang & semua benda macam sungguh menyampah. maybe because duet rakyat tak masuk lagi & saya dah jatuh miskin yang teramat. maybe because semalam tak boleh jawab. maybe because saya dah fed-up. maybe because bunyi-bunyi yang merimaskan di tempat yang sangat miserable & pathetic ini. maybe because tahun kedua bukan bulan depan tapi enam bulan lagi. maybe because segala usaha penat lelah macam orang gila dari empat tahun lepas dah jadi sia-sia. maybe because manusia yang tak memahami. maybe because manusia yang busybody. maybe because manusia yang tak reti jaga mulut sendiri. maybe because hidup yang fucked-up. maybe because terasa nak swear satu dunia. maybe because saya nak terjun bangunan tinggi. maybe because semua pun tak kena. maybe because .. dah laa, malas nak taip.

" you know what’s the most terrifying thing about admitting that you’re in love? you’re just naked. you put yourself in harm’s way and you lay down all your defenses. no clothes, no weapons. nowhere to hide, completely vulnerable. the only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe the other person loves you back and you can trust them not to hurt you. "

it's not my fault, not at all.

URGHH.

someone's gonna push me from the top of genting highlands down to the bottom of sungai klang on this saturday -- 9.00AM 6th feb 2010. i'll be dead. i'm so dead. in fact, you can consider me dead by now. i'm officially dead. i'm fucking dead. you know what, i'm just dead. dead as in dead, dead.

next time you point a finger -- i'll point you to the mirror.

if GOD is the game that you're playing ; well, we must get more acquainted. because it has to be so lonely, to be the only one who's holy. it's just my humble opinion, but it's one that i believe in. you don't deserve a point of view -- if the only thing you see is you.

- IRONICALLY SAID -

and so i went to this one shop last week with my good friend, and she was buying a valentine's day card for her bf. it was awkward. not her, but for me. i'm like, i don't know. i never get any v-day card before. not even chocolates, let alone flowers. i mean, i don't really give much thoughts about that also. well yeah, i do think it might be nice to actually receive at least one of those, but i don't want to put myself in such a position where i need to expect anything from any guys i've ever dated. it's complicated, and very confusing. seriously, you can't expect anything from guys -- they will let you down. still, somehow it's not their fault though. 99% of the time, they totally don't have any idea what's going on in the girl's mind. to make matter worse, 99% of girls never actually say what they really feel inside. see? it's so strange that i practically couldn't even bring myself to understand, how in the hell guys and girls are eventually meant to be together? they're so different. but then i guess, i could just say i'm completely happy and satisfied with a fancy rm200+ dinner in TGI, and that rm50+ gold class movie tix ; when all i ever wanted is just the rm2+ 'teh tarik at mamak' and maybe, just maybe -- those rm5+ roses. GEE :]

se7en things :)

i probably shouldn’t say this, but at times i get so scared. when i think about the previous, relationship we shared -- it was awesome, but we lost it. it’s not possible for me, not to care.

the 7 things i hate about you :

you’re vain, your games, you’re insecure. you love me, you like her. you make me laugh, you make me cry -- i don’t know which side to buy. your friends, they’re jerks. when you act like them, just know it hurts. i wanna be with the one i know. and the 7th thing i hate the most that you do ;
you make me love you.

and compared to all the great things, that would take too long to write. i probably should mention, the 7 that i like.

the 7 things i like about you :

your hair, your eyes, your old LEVI'S. when we kiss, i’m hypnotized. you make me laugh, you make me cry -- but i guess that’s both i’ll have to buy. your hands in mine, when we’re intertwined, everything’s alright. i wanna be with the one i know. and the 7th thing i like most that you do ;
you make me love you.

you do.