GO-GO-GOAAA :D

tepi jalan :D

lelaki kacak :)

perempuan gedik :p

beach ♥

sand is over-rated, it's just tiny little rocks :)

hey there. sorry for being gone for awhile. i was away and now i'm back :) next entry for the updates sebab kejap lagi ada test tapi tak baca apa-apa yet. urgh benci gila, okay lah see ya!

MY FAULT, YOUR MISTAKE.

why did boys always do that? why they have to justify everything? why can't they just say " i'm sorry ".

hey chicken !

good luck :)

tho' i still marah 'bout everything,

i wish you well anyway.

don't worry so much,

you'll do just fine.

state the obvious, i didn't get my perfect fantasy :p

entry ni khas untuk the super ex-bf, tapi kalau ada anyone nak baca pun boleh je takde hal. ayuhh :D hari tu kan, masa birthday you, my bestie cakap nampak you dekat tempat karaoke. then ada lah sorang lagi kawan my bestie also dekat situ. yang tak boleh blah nya pastu my bestie pun bisik lah kata, eyh eyh itu ex-bf syamimi sambil pointed to you ar kan. then nak tahu apa kawan my bestie jawab? ohh ye ke? buruk gila! kahkah. meh meh replay balik. ohh ye ke? buruk gila! kahkahkah. terhina tak rasa? i pun tak paham kenapa ntah boleh tersuka dekat you dulu, no wonder lah sume orang pun pelik. tak sesuai kot, you buruk gila. mu-ha-ha anw, berapa banyak perempuan hodoh you pergi fuck that day? bagus lah together you guys make super ugly babies, yewww!

HE KISSED MY LIPS, I TASTE YOUR MOUTH. HE PULLED ME IN, I WAS DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF :(

if you want me -- it takes more than a wink, more than a drink, more than you think :)

money is always the issue. i promised to myself, long long time ago, i'm not gonna end up with someone who can't pay for me. i grew up watching how hard was it for my mom to pay for everything, and i don't wanna be that woman. i won't suffer like her. there's no need for you to say money won't buy happiness, or love could conquer it all, or whatever the crap is, i won't buy it. those shits just don't cut it anymore. no matter how hot, how good, or how nice you think you are -- you pay the bill, 'cause that's the deal.

i supposed i think about love more than anyone really should. it was Shakespeare who also said LOVE IS BLIND -- now, that is something i know to be true :) for some, quite inexplicably -- love fades. for others, love is simply lost. but then of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night :)

I SUPPOSED, THIS IS HOW THE STORY GOES :D

ehehee tetiba ter-main twitter pulak sekarang, macam besh kot benda ni. boleh update anything ikut suka, tak payah macam annoying gila nak update fb status tiap masa. eyh i tak outdated okayy, dah lama ada account dia cuma dulu agak kurang minat nak main. password pun sampai dah lupa, tadi baru re-create balik :D for those yang interested, ayuhh follow :

http://twitter.com/mimiehanna

flooded with all this pain, knowing that i'll never hold you -- like i did before the storm :(

i was having the worst hangover this morning. i never felt this sick, and the great part is my anatomy spotter was in the afternoon. tu laa pandai sangat keluar enjoy tak beragak di malam exam, tapi tapi, nasib baik the paper was easy! fuhh luckily :) well anw, i miss you like a lot :( remember i jaga you dulu masa you pass out, baik tak i? ehehee i used to love you that much. you know, sebab utama we may never be together ( because of our " difference " ) i might as well just leave my home, my family, our country -- for you. betul ni tak tipu, i sayang you that much. but now things happened :( we lost it. i pun tak tahu apa nak buat except hidup macam biasa and be happy with whatever yang ada depan i. you tahu kalau you mintak i patah balik pada you, bila-bila also i sanggup. tapi you taknak. maybe it's true, i wasn't the girl for you. maybe sebab i ni mengada-ngada, i suka complained benda remeh dekat you, i kadang-kadang marah you je, i tak layan you good enough, i'm a failure, i tak pernah yakin of myself, i tak cukup fun to you, etc etc. maybe that's why you dunno whether you love me or not, maybe sebab memang you tak love me. i je yang terhegeh-hegeh, kan?

hanya dirimu yang ku cinta dan ku kenang, di dalam hatiku takkan pernah hilang -- bayangan dirimu untuk selamanya.

FUCK WHAT I SAID, IT DON'T MEAN SHIT NOW.

rasa sangat tak boleh blah ar today, disappointed gila. benci lah. tak kira buat berapa juta kali pun, kalau memang tak boleh, memang tak boleh jugak. bullshit lah. rasa nak bakar semua benda, pergi mampus lah. semenjak datang sini je jadi macam bodoh gila, tak pernah gagal seumur hidup kot sebelum ni. even add maths dulu-dulu zaman sekolah relax je dapat 100 % tapi bila sampai sini tak tidur 2 hari 2 malam pun nak dapat takat 50 % macam mustahil. eyh fuck that shit up lah, nak pergi terjun bangunan. bye.

I DON'T CARE, I HAVE NO LUCK -- I DON'T MISS IT ALL THAT MUCH :)

it's good to have this type of r/ship, really. no need to give too much effort on it, and my big focus don't have to be on it. he got his life, and i got mine. better off that way, i guess. in fact, i don't even know how to put my feeling towards anyone ever again. all this while, i've been trying too much and that's completely worthless. love sux big time, so fuck it. i got so many things, and too little time :)

hey sexy girl, from kuala-la-la lumpur :D hey baby, that's me -- i'll be on the dance-floor!

here i have one more video to share :D aww, mizz nina is super duper hyper hot! she's a malay girl, from malaysia, and she's singing with colby o'donis! like OMGGGG, how cool is that? i'm proud to be malaysian malay, hahahaa! tapi tapi, kalau kita tengok dekat youtube tu, dekat bawah tu, macam-macam orang yang comment -- including those close-minded ppl. biar ar dia nak pakai macam mana, nak gedik ke apa, dia hot kot. rambut lawa, body lawa, yang korang dengki tak beragak kenapa? boleh ke nak nyanyi dengan penyanyi antarabangsa macam dia? ohh plz, takkan mesti nak suruh dia pakai tudung, baju kurung semua kot? dalam international music video, seriously? gila tak berkembang pemikiran. pergi lah duduk dalam gua nangis-nangis bila " penyanyi " akademi fantasia keluar tiap minggu, sengal betul. kalau dah alim sangat kan tak payah lah bukak youtube apa bagai, baca buku ilmiah sana, ni hantar comment kutuk-kutuk singer from your own country, bodoh ar buat semak je korang ni. hehh :p anw you go mizz nina! keep up the good work ♥ muaxx salam perantauan ( tetiba :D )

PENEMUAN TERBARU :D

ME vs LESLIE BIBB

HAHAA VAIN GILA TAK ?

p/s : tengok tu, cuma eyebrow dengan nose je lain. but can't help it lah, i'm asian okayy :DD

ADA DAN TIADA CINTA, BAGIKU TAK MENGAPA -- NAMUN ADA YANG HILANG, SEPARUH DIRIKU.

i spoke to my bestie the other day. and she said, you suka buli i sebenarnya. you, yes you -- the selfish-ignorant-manipulative-coward SOB. sebab apa? well, you boleh fikir sendiri kan. the more i think, the more i realize yang memang there's nothing wrong with me. it's you, it's always you all along. tapi i dah ter-sayang you, nak buat macam mana? huu anw, i usha youtube sambil belajar last nite. then i jumpa lagu bawah ni :D sumpah rindu you sangat, sedih lah :(

i watch the walls around me crumble, but it's not like i won't build them up again :)

hey you. esok i punya block exam, so i think macam takde apa-apa emosi sangat nak cakap dekat you. i miss you, that's for sure :) tapi you study well also, tau? petang ni nak kena mula running balik, since the boyfie pun dah habis exam ( eche, sejak bila ntah ni :D ) yeayy, end-point mari! kadang-kadang i rasa gembira, sometimes rasa macam tipu diri sendiri, urgh i pun tak tahu sebenarnya. but yang i tahu, i kena move on jugak no matter what sebab you taknak dekat i pun kan? better i'm with someone yang hargai i, yang sayang i :) so yeahh. ini bukan emotional black-mail okayy, ini pasrah namanya. you lah, asek buat orang sedih je. siapa boleh tahan?


p/s : jay sean -- bf kedua selepas enrique iglesias. come babyboy! push it up on me harder, harderrrr :p

i will admit it, if you admit it

it's harder than we both thought

it's easier to fall apart

look where we are

i can forgive it, i can't forget it

you've left me here with all these scars

and you can't deny the hardest part

i'm not in your arms ...

sorry. emo terlebih :D okayy perasaan dah stabil sikit. cuma pening kepala sebab tak cukup tidur je, bukan taknak tidur tapi memang tak boleh tidur. woohoo can't wait for tonight! it's saturday night, people. ayuhh chill out and forget our problems! :DD

SAKIT HATI LAH. BY HEARING YOUR NAME ALSO I DAH SAKIT HATI MACAM GILA-GILA SANGAT, I HATE U LAH. LAGI CEPAT U BLAH DARI MANIPAL LAGI BAGUS. OKAYY BYE.

sumpah i sebenarnya tak faham kenapa you perlu wujud dalam hidup i. i tak pernah noticed pasal you langsung pun dulu. i cuma tahu nama you and you punya roll number, tu je. lepas tu tetiba you cakap-cakap dengan i that night. you layan i merepek pasal my stupid ex-bf and, the next thing i know i left my current bf for you. i taknak mengaku sangat i tinggal dia sebab you ( sebab macam pathetic gila je ) tapi memang that was the truth. and the next thing i know, you tetiba tinggal i for god knows what super great reasons. and the next thing i know, you datang balik. i think i was happy tapi kurang sebulan from that, the next thing i know you tinggal i balik. lepas tu seriously, i memang devastated gila. dalam almost two months i cuba taknak sedih, but the next thing i know, we got back together. okayy that was -- undescribable. and then, i yang bodoh ni thought we can make it works. yup, mesti lah i rasa macam tu sebab we did survived that one month when we were apart. but after that, bila kita dekat asyik nak gaduh pulak. gaduh pun over some silly stuffs, and the next thing i know, we broke-up, again. sengal, you ingat i ni roller-coster ke apa? lepas tu dalam dah sebulan, elok-elok i rasa macam dah move on, for OMIGOD I DUNNO WHAT FUCKING REASONS -- you called me, we met up, and then next thing i know, my mind is all messed-up, again. you know what, FY lah. FYVVM. buang lah semua benda, buat lah macam semua tu i yang salah, suka hati your fucking heart lah nak rasa apa, biar lah your fucking brain nak fikir apa, i fucking don't care. half a year hidup i terhabis untuk you je, untuk you je tau, dan sekarang apa yang i dapat? perasaan sakit hati yang sangat-sangat. FM lah.

I'M WAY TOO COOL FOR YOU BOY, THAT'S WHY IT'LL NEVER WORK :D

i'm starting to love my life now. see, i dah laa repeat satu subjek je. free terlampau sebab class sikit sangat. then orang lain duk suffer kena stay up malam-malam study, i relax je layan series. ehehee seronok kot :p pastu sebab i extend satu tahun kan, i dapat scholar lagi banyak dari orang lain. siapa taknak duet free? belajar pun tak payah struggle sangat, class test senang gila, memang hidup lepak gila ah. dulu yelah i asek rasa bosan, tak tahu nak buat apa bagai semua, sekarang dah besh sebab ada someone yang boleh teman i selalu, without i perlu nak rasa guilty ke apa coz amik masa dia. yeayy, i'm awesome! haha tetiba :D okayy sebenarnya perasaan happy ni kesan from yesterday sebab tetiba MAS buat offer -- return tix for 12K rupee je. tengok, i'm so lucky! dah laa tak payah naik airasia yang pelik tu, then tak payah kuar duet sendiri pulak, sebab online booking pakai credit card mama je. yes yes end of august ni balik malaysia, nak shopping sakan with my bestie :) sambut raya, and hantar my darling sister fly to UK. whoaaa good things, much goods ahead! :DD

i need you, more than you'll ever know. i still do, willing to let it show.

i guess i'll keep, i guess you'll keep

every memory

sadly we may never be

i'll bet my tears, i'll bet your tears

i'll bet those tears

over time could disappear ..

you left before, this time you will stay gone -- that's for sure.

serena : yeah, i think i need to be alone for awhile.

nate : whoa, whoa, whoa. wait. i find it in my heart to forgive you for kissing another guy and you're gonna break up with me?

serena : it's not breaking up, it's -- it's just taking a break. it's not you ..

nate : ohh? " it's not you, it's me " right? yes, serena -- it is you. you know, i think it's great that you want to work on yourself, but i'm not gonna wait around to see how things go. so if you're out, you're out.

serena : that's fair. nate, i love you. i really do. but if we're ever gonna have a real chance, this is the only way.

okayy i dunno, it's like a curse or something. tiap kali i kasi apa-apa to the boyfie / or the guy i'm seeing, mesti lepas tu sesuatu yang buruk akan jadi. that bad thing means samada after that kitorg dah tak kawan lagi, or lost contact, or gaduh, or even broke-up. benci okayy. dah laa mahal pulak tu benda-benda yang i bagi, kalau setakat puluh-puluh ringgit takpe lagi. macam sia-sia je, eii geram. rasa nak baling crystal ni sampai pecah. urgh wait up, tak sampai hati lah :( tengok, sejahat-jahat i pun maseh ada perasaan tau. tapi sumpah lepas ni i takkan berhabis macam perempuan bangang dah. pembaziran okayy. takpe if you wanna gimme anything takpe ( you're most welcome, in fact :p ) tapi seriously lah yea, i tak mahu dan takkan beri you apa-apa. i'm sorry, but tukar-tukar hadiah now is sooo not my policy :D

kau beri rasa yang berbeza, mungkin ku salah mengertikannya -- yang ku rasa cinta.

kau hancurkan hatiku, kau hancurkan lagi

kau hancurkan hatiku untuk melihatmu,

kau terangi jiwaku, kau redupkan lagi

kau hancurkan hatiku untuk melihatmu ..

i'll never forget you, they said we'll never make it -- my sweet joy, always remember me :D

it felt so wrong, it felt so right.

i feel so low today. i rindu you lah. bila ingat-ingat balik, rasa bodoh sangat sebab buat you marah pasal fb status tu. if only i tak buat benda bodoh camtu, maybe we're still together. i ni memang bodoh lah. tapi kadang-kadang fikir macam takde motif jugak kerja i asek nak bugging you je. cuba fikir nanti you dah nak unis, mesti you rasa semak gila nak layan i yang selalu emo ni. lepas tu next feb you dah nak balik malaysia for good, but i maseh stuck dekat sini. and i tell you what, LDR adalah sangat-sangat susah :( jadi mungkin ada hikmah jugak kita broke-up sekarang, supaya takkan lebih hurt later. kan? but still, saat-saat you dengan i adalah perasaan yang paling bahagia i pernah rasa. seriously rasa sangat selamat and sangat tenang in your arms. and i miss those moments, i miss the day before yesterday :(

HEY :) I'M GONNA DO ONE THING. SINCE WE'RE NOT GONNA BE TOGETHER ( AT LEAST NOT FOR NOW ) -- I'M GONNA USE THIS BLOG TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU. I'M GONNA WRITE EVERYTHING I FEEL, EACH MOMENT, IN EACH DAY I WENT WITHOUT YOU. IT'S TOO AWKWARD FOR US TO FACE EACH OTHER SINCE WHATEVER HAS HAPPENED YESTERDAY, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE STILL THERE, RIGHT HERE IN MY HEART. I CARE SO MUCH FOR YOU, ALWAYS WILL, AND ALWAYS DO. SUMPAH I SAYANG YOU SANGAT.

and i can't breathe without you, but i have to -- i'm sorry.

kaki saya sakit :( malam tadi lost balance, pastu tersalah step, then jatuh. gila lah, sakit gila. nak jalan tak boleh. nak tidur, kepala sakit. bila bangun, hati sakit. hm perfect lah, the perfect worst day of my life. sudah lah, saya taknak cakap lagi pasal awak. saya taknak fikir, saya taknak ingat. we've been through a lot, and i'm so tired. saya harap takkan terjumpa awak dalam masa terdekat ni, i'll try as much as i could to avoid you. tapi tempat ni kecik :( at least saya takkan buang semua benda pasal kita like you did. it hurts, you know. rasa macam awak buang saya also. but it's okay, saya pun move on jugak. kenapa lah semua kena jadi macam ni? rasa macam nak tinggalkan everything, and pergi jauh.

i never thought that i'd say i don't really miss you -- i lived, i breathed your breath through me.

time has a way of passing by, until i don't remember why or how to hurt for you.

MY VERY FIRST BOUQUET OF ROSES !

i know, cantik kan? it so came out of nowhere! i'm so speechless, and happy! of course i am :) ini kali pertama i dapat bunga from a guy. call me outdated or apa-apa lah, but i really am so so so excited :) hey popcorn, you really make my day :) in the middle of your exams, dengan esok you punya toughest paper, but still, you have time for me, for the most sweetest thing i ever had :) thank you sooooo much :) :) :)

so much for my happy ending :D

semalam tensi-tensi rasa macam nak cut-off my hair. nasib baik tetiba macam boleh berfikir secara rasional balik, mahal kot my hair :p haha seriously, tak tipu takkk. so daripada potong, i just kasi high-lighted balik je. ala-ala golden yellowish gitu, tapi macam tak jadi je. dia macam more into perang-perang orange pulak. whatever lah, janji puas hati. hee :)

it was the same damn thing, same ass excuses -- boy, you're useless.

IS THAT ALL THERE IS ?

my life is super boring. rasa macam takde benda menarik yang pernah berlaku pun. agak-agak kalau i mati esok, takkan ada yang kesah pun. tengok beautiful people dengan hidup mereka yang super beautiful, i'm jealous. i really do :( i tak pernah pergi tempat yang best, i takde memori yang best, i macam tak pernah rasa best pun, ever. if someone was to ask, what is the most happiest moment in my life, seriously, i don't have any. menyedihkan betul, tak?

YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T EVEN CARE.

i'm not a bitch. i don't sleep around, and i don't cheat. except for that one guy whose the reason i left my bf in malaysia, and i really am guilty. i did apologize to the ex, and yeah, it ended up badly for me with that one guy, so you can call it karma. but other than that, all the relationship i had is non-overlapping. who gives a fuck on how fast or slow i'm moving on, i have all the right. i don't live in this fucking world to please you. yet, i just don't understand why it's easier for people to believe what they heard, than to get to know it first, in person. there are always two sides of a story, well how could you judge if you only knew one part? it's unfair. get close, and get to know. if you still feel the need to hate me, then it's just too damn bad. hate me all you want, if that would makes you happy :) your wish.

suara, dengarkanlah aku :) apa khabarnya pujaan hatiku?

aku di sini menunggunya,

masih berharap di dalam hatinya :)

ada yang hilang ketika kau hilang

hatiku, jiwaku

ada yang pergi ketika kau pergi

senyumku, tawaku

hidupku ikut hilang bersamamu

cintaku ikut pergi bersamamu

sementara, aku masih di sini

mencuba tegap berdiri,

tanpamu..

'cause if the world is spinning and i'm still living, it won't be right if ..

mula-mula i macam ada this crazy idea of waiting for you, you know. kalau-kalau nanti we get back together ke apa. i terfikir macam nak jadi faithful dalam diam lah kononnya. tapi after some time, i jadi muak. macam buang masa je, tak ke? kalau you betul-betul nak dekat i kan, dah memang dari dulu lagi you akan pegang i rapat-rapat. bukan lepaskan i pergi, twice pulak tu. and bila cakap bab-bab feeling je, jawapan yang i dapat is " don't know " -- wtf? so here i am, moving on. bukan nak gebang ke apa, but i memang laju je boleh dapat yang lain. senang gila kot. and i tak perlu nak kejar pun, dia datang sendiri :) jadi sekarang step by step, i'm learning how to smile and be happy. just so you know, hidup i ni bergerak tau. tak kesah lah with or without you :D so, yeahh.

tetiba baca benda bawah ni balik rasa nak delete je, macam pathetic gila bunyi dia tak? sengal betul lah.

happily never after :(

i tak happy pun, i tipu je sebenarnya. i maseh ingat dekat you kot, every second, everyday :( i sedih lah. tiap kali fikir pasal you, pasal whatever we had before, dada i sakit sangat. i rindu you :( i memang betul sayang dekat you, tahu tak? tapi bila i sedar yang we're never gonna be together, i rasa kecewa sangat. i tak tahu benda akan jadi susah macam ni. kita memang takde chance dah yea? you memang dah taknak dekat i yea? you tak reply my msg pun, you macam ignore i terus je. i tak tahu apa nak buat lagi, i rasa nak mati lah :( i can't take it anymore.

SIAPA KATA SEKSI HARUS MENDEDAHKAN YANG LANJUR ?

hahahahahahahaaaa gembira tak terhingga! okayy bye!

you went to all your friends to brag, guys are always such a drag :D

okayy, lately dah macam-macam kontroversi berlaku. but for me, lebih baik i diam sudah. lantak korang lah nak gampang apa benda, i don't give a damn. paling hebat pun i lepas geram dekat my blog yang cantek ni, takkan tu pun tak boleh tak? kalau tak puas hati jugak, pergi lah buat your own blog and tulis lah semua apa bangang story yang ada. tak payah sangat nak update your fb status sampai berapa perenggan, jenuh orang nak baca :p yang sorang lagi tu pulak, tak payah sangat nak kecoh pasal keburukan orang. we all screwed-up, sometimes. tapi semua apa benda yang i tahu pasal you, i tak pernah ada hati nak heboh dekat orang kot. susah sangat ke nak faham yang i memang tak suka, tak ingin, tak kuasa, tak selera langsung nak amik tahu hal orang lain lah. buat semak kepala otak i je, dah tu kenapa sangat lah orang lain tak boleh nak return the favor? benci sial duduk dekat tempat bodoh macam ni. orang siuman pun boleh jadi gila, apatah lagi orang yang dah memang sedia gila. tengok tu, orang lain yang jadi mangsa.

DO YOU GET, DO YOU GET A LITTLE KICK OUT OF BEING SMALL-MINDED?

susahnya hidup dalam dunia yang sempit, di tambah pula dengan orang-orang yang berfikiran sempit. seingat hidup i lah kan, i tak pernah kesah pun apa yang orang lain nak buat dalam their fucking life. mereka mati ke hidup pun i langsung tak kesah. aneh bukan? nampak sangat hidup diorang sungguh tidak menarik sampai perlu bercerita pasal hidup orang lain untuk menghiburkan hati. kesian lah. paling tak boleh tahan, bila i failed ke, i sedih ke, nanges sorang-sorang dekat tepi tangga macam orang gila sebab mereka yang mengaku " kawan " tu sanggup biar i tak dapat balik malaysia, takde pulak yang amik pedulik. bila i happy-happy ada someone temankan i, whoaaa bukan main lagi kau nak berteriak satu kampung yang pathetic ni konon-konon sebab care pasal aku lah sekarang. go to hell lah manusia! or at least kan, go butt-fucking yourself up, eat shit, and die :) daa!

you thought the way you taste would get me high?

susah rupanya nak get over someone once dah tersuka :( i thought kalau ada orang baru mestilah senang je, sebenarnya ingat lagi rupanya dekat yang lama. this is fucking stupid lah. feel like banging the wall T_T

YOU'RE NOTHING BUT AN ACTION, BABY -- I'M THE STAR :D

i selalu klau orang tu dah cukup familiar, nampak dekat luar i memang say hi or at least senyum lah. tak kesah guys ke girls ke. but yang jadi masalah sekarang, ada certain guys tu, klau nampak i memang dah boleh agak dia nak smile to me, tapi at the same time, riak muka dia akan risau gila sambil pandang the gf dengan harapan minah tu takkan notice yang dia tegur i. i mean like, seriously? kes kedua, sometimes dekat fb tu kan the bf yang tegur i dulu, i balas je sebab memang kawan baik kot dari zaman sekolah plak. cakap pun main kau, aku je. sat lagi ujung-ujung bawah tu, ada this irritating gf akan mula tetiba buat smiley pelik tak pasal-pasal, then cakap enough laa apa bagai. i mean like, wtf? eyh, orang tak hadap lah bf awak tu. klau dah paranoid sangat kan, apa kata awak bawak dia sorok dalam ceruk gua ke apa. simpan lah dia sampai jadi rangka pun takpe untuk awak hadap sorang je. menggelabah tak tentu pasal adalah sangat tidak sexy okayy. tapi guys ni pun sometimes ada yang one kind jugak. esp malay guys, really. look, kalau i tegur you, tak kesah lah dalam fb atau di kehidupan sebenar ( real life, i mean ) tak maksud i dah jatuh hati nak mampos dekat you. yang dalam fb tu yang paling tak boleh blah. fb tak pernah kasi maksud dalam my life langsung kot, it's just one silly social networking. i layan sebab i nak main game dalam tu je kot. urgh, sebab tu i prefer non-malay guys sebenarnya. for me, mereka lebih open-minded. kurang-kurang i tak jadi mangsa keadaan. bila tak friendly kau kata aku sombong, bila aku ada mood nak layan kau budget aku nak flirt. ohh please, hot ke tak sebenarnya yang nak perasan sangat tu? bluekk.

where did i go wrong? i lost a friend ; somewhere along in the bitterness.

i believe kalau kita mahukan sesuatu, kita akan work for it. tapi kalau kita biarkan je dia, maknanya kita sebenarnya bukan betul-betul nak pun. and mesti lah, somehow someday somebody's gonna take it away, awayyy from you :) lepas tu jangan lah nak menyesal, dah silap sendiri kan? anw cakap pasal mistake, i pun ada banyak buat salah. cuma bezanya, i mengaku kalau memang i yang salah. at least i tak ego. kalau i suka, i cakap i suka. kalau i sayang, i cakap i sayang. kalau i rindu, i cakap i rindu. kalau i benci, kalau i marah, kalau i menyampah, semua i kasi tahu. tapi memang lah kadang-kadang tak boleh tulis sini i kata pasal siapa, sebab ini public blog and i tak tahu siapa je yang ada baca. justeru agak sedikit bahaya di situ :p benda kalau boleh avoid, avoid lah. but bukan maksud kita kena hipokrit. a lil bit nak fake i tengah senyum tu kira okay lagi lah, nanti mereka tanya kenapa i selalu emo pulak. i tak kot, i hyper je dengan orang yang i seronok to be with lah :D and tak semua orang i boleh campur, depends lah kan? yang penting i tak sibuk hal orang, tu je :)


p/s : ini gambar zaman myspace. i hate myspace, tempat berjumpa orang-orang gila :(

I DON'T WANT A BROKEN HEART, I DON'T WANNA PLAY THAT PART.

uh-huh, today was awesome :D i'm not in a bad luck as i always thought. hey you, yes you -- you're finally outta my head, ay ya ya!

you can run, you can hide, but you can't escape :D

ehehee suddenly good things are started to happen. so much for 2 weeks of terrible days, i supposed :) yeayy. i'm single and i'm not ugly ( well i'm not saying i'm pretty, but if you must say :p ) and i totally deserved someone " nice " beside me :D

AND MY LOVE FOR YOU IS BLIND, BUT I COULDN'T MAKE YOU SEE IT.

i sit here typing while listening to " the other side of the door " by taylor swift. and i'm thinking how my most of everything is about HIM. the title of this blog is that one song reminding me to him, together with the picture above, and bunch of blog entries, and barang-barang yang dia kasi, my very first v-day card, the crystal, the taj mahal, semua pun is still there. i never touched them since the day we broke-up, i didn't even bother to move them into the locker or anything. i just let them stood there, as i watched them everyday. i really miss him, i really care for him, but i'm done trying. i don't want to be the one yang selfish just because i need him tapi dia tak perlukan i. i taknak push ppl around. i taknak paksa dia to be with me just because i want him. i sayang dia, and apa-apa yang buat dia happy, i pun happy. if it means i have to feel this huge pain in my heart every night, so be it. i promised him i'll be fine, and if it means i have to fake a smile everytime, so be it. and so, here i am -- smiling :)

it's time to nut up, or shut up.

i'm having a weird stomach ache these past few days, with burning sensation, as if it's gonna burst or something. lepas tu ada this uneasy feeling, rasa cepat annoyed dekat semua orang and semua benda, plus a bit of dizzyness. weather dekat sini yang fucking fucked-up, kejap hujan ribut sampai banjirkan my room, basahkan my bed and all, then pulak panas sampai boleh buat orang nak mati. i bukan suka whining ( or maybe sikit-sikit lah ) but memang there's a lot to whine about. dah tu bosan gila, tahap boleh mati sebab bosan. pastu susah nak tidur, class test jawab macam haram kot, terasa begitu pathetic and such a loser. okay lah benci, bye.

ONCE A GOOD GIRL GONE BAD -- WE DIE FOREVER.

faham tak the sole reason i applied for studying in oversea sebab i nak jauh-jauh daripada you? faham tak sebenarnya i saje-saje je dapat 10A sebab i memang nak blah. faham tak? pedulik apa you nak cakap pandai je tak guna. i memang tak pandai, and i memang tak pernah baik. tak tahu apa pasal dari dulu sampai sekarang, i ni nampaknya sangat jahat dan buruk di mata you. tak tahu apa salah i yang besar sangat, semua benda semua pun tak kena. i dah fed-up lah. dah bosan, dah tak larat okayy. dah malas nak cakap apa-apa lagi. i tak kesah i got a sucky course doing in this sucky place. yang penting anything and anywhere is always better than you and whatever you got there. urgh, thank GOD i'm far away from you. inilah benda paling nice yang berlaku in my life :D i'm glad.

there'll be no more trying again, no more coming back, no more forgiving you, no more thinking :)

okay lah. i dah give up. and i have no regrets, i wish you the very best in all that you do. farewell.

you chose to surrender the best thing that's happened to you ; what were you missing? were you just tripping?

yeayy, akhirnya berjaya dapatkan my first skinny :D
( gedik je beli padahal diri sendiri tak skinny pun )

- light blue
- comfort low waist
- skinny fit
- mild wash
- BENETTON

actually nak yang blackie, tapi itu tunggu beli MANGO or ZARA nanti lah. neng-neng excited gila, esok nak pakai sambil usha-usha my eye candy. siapa? rahsiaaa. HAHAA anw, thx B and her family :) i heart you guys banyak-banyak sangat lah! muax muaxx :) :) :)

what happened? the cup of hot tea sudah jadi cold :( what always happens -- life.

" bila aku harus mencintai dan berbagi hati, itu hanya denganmu. namun bila aku harus tanpamu, akan tetap ku harungi hidup tanpa cinta.. "

wherever i go, i won't forget about you. wherever you go, don't you forget about me :)

they say love is just a game

they say time can heal the pain

sometimes you win, sometimes you lose

and i guess i'm just a fool

i keep holding on to you

i told you once, you were the one

you know that i'd die for you

although it hurts to see you go

oh, this time you should know

i won't try to stop you

don't you forget about me, baby

don't you forget about me now

someday you'll turn around and ask me,

why did i let you go?

so, you try to fake a smile

you don't wanna break my heart

i can see that you're afraid

but baby, it's to late

'cause i'm already dying..

" i'll be seeing you "

5 AM in the morning, and i'm still awake. i just watched this movie titled " THE NOTEBOOK " and i swear, it's like the best love movie ever. from 1:35 onwards, i swear i couldn't stop crying up until the story ends. it's just too deep, i swear. semua orang patut tengok, kalau tak, tak lengkap hidup. sumpah.

I'M GOOD, I'M GONNA BE FINE :D

" let go when you're hurting too much

give up when love isn't enough

and move on when things aren't like before

for surely there is someone out there

who will love you even more. "

agak-agak kalau i pujuk you balik, you okay tak? tapi kenapa mesti i? kenapa bukan you? ahh boleh jadi gila tau macam ni, i miss you lah :( i really do.

kata orang rindu itu indah -- namun bagiku, ini menyeksa.

i don't wanna hold you if you don't wanna tell me you love me, babe :'(

" just know, i'm gonna have to walk away. i'll be big enough for both of us to say -- be happy. "

so baby, if you know everything, tell me why you couldn't see -- when i left, i want you to chase after me.

lu apehal. gua kenal lu ke masalahnya sekarang. budget dah pernah satu batch dengan gua, lu ingat gua pedulik pasal lu ke. name lu pun gua tak tahu, tak teringin nak amik tahu pun sebenarnya. nak kata lu caring pasal gua, tak pernah-pernah pulak kan. rasanya tak langsung dalam sejarah hidup gua ada berkawan dengan lu. tak kuasa pun, lu tak cukup hot kot. HAHA dah tu sat lagi macam kurang ajar sangat kepoh nak tahu gua duduk mana apa bangang sume apesal. lu interested nak bayarkan sewa ke? nak kata bodoh, lu pass, gua failed. suka sangat lu kan nak menyibuk hidup gua, menarik sangat yea? tolonglah, mak gua pun tak kesah kot. lu pulak yang lebih-lebih, wtf? alim-alim pun kalau tak takde manner tak boleh jugak. yang sorang lagi tu dah jelas dan nyata perangai kampung, memang tak boleh nak cakap apa dah. gua memang tak suka nak cemarkan blog gua yang cantek ni dengan maki-maki lu, tapi lu tu yang carik nahas dulu kan. cuba lu jangan tetiba nak interfere hal orang, gua pun takde ar sentap kan. eii benci lah.

FOREVER MORE, I SWEAR :D

" they're all part of the list, things that i miss ; things like your funny little laugh, or the way you smile, or the way we kiss. and you live in my memories -- forever more, i swear. "

standing out in the rain, knowing now it's really over -- please don't leave me alone :(

apa lah, buat orang sedih je. dah laa, nak pergi mati kejap. nanti-nanti esok lusa kalau terasa ada mood, hidup balik. boleh tak? dah macam nak gila :( so sad.

APA YANG YOU NAK SEBENARNYA? OHH YES, I'M AGREED WITH UNCERTAIN. OHH NO, YOU COULDN'T BE BOTHERED. TAHU TAK BETAPA DUNIA I ASEK REVOLVED AROUND YOU JE, AND SEDAR TAK BETAPA UNFAIR IS THAT? I TAK BOLEH EMO KALAU I TUNGGU BERAPA LAMA NAK JUMPA YOU LEPAS TU YOU SURUH I BALIK CEPAT BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO DO, TAPI YOU BOLEH EMO PASAL MY STUPID FAKE STATUS. YOU TAKNAK SERIOUS, TAPI I TAK BOLEH MAIN-MAIN. YOU BOLEH DATANG PERGI DEKAT I IKUT SUKA HATI YOU, I TAK BOLEH DATANG PERGI DEKAT YOU IKUT SUKA HATI I. YOU TAK TAHU WHERE I STAND, TAPI I TAK BOLEH FALL FOR YOU. YOU MARAH BILA KATA I BROKE, TAPI I TAK BOLEH MINTAK TOLONG ORANG LAIN. YOU BOLEH KASI I SILENT TREATMENT, YOU BOLEH TINGGAL I ANYTIME, YOU BOLEH PUJUK I ANYTIME, YOU BOLEH CAKAP SORRY ANYTIME, YOU BOLEH CARIK I ANYTIME. IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, YOU, AND YOU. AND THE BEST PART IS, I'M THE ONE TO BLAME.

i told you i'm not bulletproof -- now you know.

i'm sick and tired of your attitude

i'm feeling like i don't know you

you tell me that you want me then cut me down

i'm sick and tired of your reasons

i've got no one to believe in

you ask me for my love then you push me around

why do you have to make me feel small

so you can feel whole inside?

why do you have to put down my dreams

so you're the only thing on my mind?

girls. don't ever ever trust the sweet talker guys, never! lelaki memang ditakdirkan untuk tak jadi romantik, that's how their feelings work. justeru kalau dia tak tahu apa pasal bukan main pandai lagi nak mengayat bunga-bintang semua, sah-sah sangat lah ada motif lain dekat situ. macam my bestie cakap, penjahat sebenarnya :D HAHA kelakar okayy.

ONCE AND FOR REAL :DD

" are we an item? boy, quit playing. we're just friends, what are you saying? said there's another as you look right in my eyes. my first love, broke my heart for the first time. "

i would never wish bad things ; but i don't wish you well :)

first of all, nape tiap kali dgr theme song HOUSE MD je baru smgt nk belajar? baru terasa mcm bangga, eyh bakal doctor rupanya. haha and guess what? ( khas utk the super ex-bf okayy ) yeah, you can go on banging those retarded sluts and cheap whores, cuma nya nnt klau dh kena AIDS jgn nk dtg hospital carik aku yea. whoa pstu kang baru lah kau sedar kn langit tu sbnrnya tinggi ke rendah :D alrite, moving on. you know, ada this not-so-friend-of-mine ni bersungguh btul seh nk duduk dlm my friend list. keje dia request, keje i remove. sat lagi lama-lama mesti lah dh malas, i pun lantak p je lah. dia nk berkawan tu, biar lah ;p me too suka je kot stalk org, it's kinda my thing also lah. but org-org yg hot je lah kn, baru seronok. klau tak, terasa agak kelakar jgk :) hahahaa what a joke.

i want your loving, all your love is revenge. you and me could write a bad romance ^^

bosan lah. smpai diri sndri pun terasa bosan nk ckp bosan tiap-tiap kali. tp sumpah bosan. mcm dh kehabisan benda nk buat dlm dunia, iskk. dh puas dh tido, tgk movie, makan, carik mslh, setel mslh, pstu skrg apa lagi? eyh satu benda nk tulis dkt sini. lelaki kn, sume pun x bleh pakai. yg bleh pakai msti dh taken, atau lbh malang lagi samada he's not interested or he's not interesting. urgh tensi, daa.

&& your hand will always be my favorite one to hold :D

p/s : papa bear, dia busy. class tests, pbl, and so, and so. saya jadi hilang arah :( rinduuu okay.

i like cute guys. i mean not the one with cute face okayy ( sebab ini bunyi dia sungguh gay ) but the one with cute attitude, ehehehee. like when he texts me early in the morning just to say he's sorry, when he shows up at my door just because i said i'm not in a good shape, when he kisses me on the forehead and says i'm beautiful and smile ; cute smile, in fact ♥

darling, you are the only exception :)

rasa macam nak menangis banyak-banyak sangat. rasa macam jantung nak pecah. rasa macam semua pun dah tak ada makna. rasa macam otak dah berhenti, hati dah hilang. rasa macam lemah sangat, tak tahan sangat.

sleep is overrated -- we stay awake and cry. if this is love, then kill me now and save me from my life.

BECAUSE I AM A GIRL :(

small-small things that matter : when i left without a word, when i forgot to text, when i didn't want to look, when everything seems awkward, when something stupid happened, and when i just don't bother.

i don't shut up, i grow up -- and when i look at you, i throw up :D

sejahat-jahat i pun, i hidup x kacau org. i cuma jd kejam, atau lose control, or dlm erti kata lain mcm kurg ajar sket ( or myb lah bnyk kot ) klau you yg mula dulu. i mean, seriously. you xde life sndri ke yg nk sibuk-sibuk dgn life org? bkn nk ckp i ni ada life sgt pun, even i pun x kesah kot i ada life ke x. same je, i'm still living and i'm alive. kdg-kdg i x mau pun hidup klau cmni, dh ckp bnyk kali kn i mmg dh sedia benci my life. sumpah i mmg pentingkn diri i je, and i x pedulik lgsg kot apa yg berlaku sekeliling you. jd skrg bleh x you jgn kesah psl i. bkn besh pun i ni yg you smgt sgt nk amik tahu kot. everything bout me is damn fucked-up. x perlu lah payah-payah you nk judge, nk kata apa, ckp mcm-mcm whatsoever. you x lalu hidup i kot, and obviously you x rasa pun apa yg hati i prnh rasa. you gelabah apa klau i ni dh x tau jd apa skrg, i ni dh mcm org hilang akal ke apa. apa benda yg jd dlm hidup i ni ada affect hidup you ke, x kn. justeru, apa kata skrg you diam. pergi buat hal you, biar i buat hal i. thx.

HARUS BANGKIT SEMULA, SAMPAI HATIMU MEMANDANGKU -- TERUJA :)

baru bangun, kepala pening. ya ampunnn, tidur je kerja. dah-dah nak siap-siap. ada date :D hahaha this is what we're doing, we're dating. or i must say, he's not my bf. he's just the person i'm seeing.

come come baby, come be my toyfriend -- let me play with you.

mula-mula bosan, pastu fikir benda-benda sengal, pastu sakit hati, pastu pura-pura gembira dengan hidup sendiri, pastu penat, pastu tidur, pastu bangun rasa lapar, pastu makan, pastu gemuk, pastu rasa hodoh, pastu tetiba macam nak marah orang, pastu menyesal tak tahu apehal, pastu merepek tak tentu pasal, pastu habis takde benda nak buat dah, pastu okay lah dah malas, bye-bye.

stop it, you're such a baby.

oops. tersedak dengan statement sendiri, tak seronok nya :(

i don't wanna do this anymore.

i hate my life. i'm fat. i'm ugly. i'm broke. i failed twice, well that makes me stupid. and the great thing is that i don't even like this bloody shit i'm doing. i hate it, i hate it so fucking much that i'd kill to get over it. it's pathetic. and just like blair waldorf ( nak bagi contoh pun perlu yang up ke, menyedihkan betul tak ) i don't have friends. i mean here, i only know ppl. few ppl, well that makes me a loser. i screwed up each and everything. i've made a huge mistake ( i'm talking about a big, massive, sucky-ness black hole kinda mistake ) last year, in which everytime i think of it, it drives me crazy. ohh fuck, i really hate my life. i don't know why such a useless, hopeless, and helpless person like me is even alive also. could someone plz just do something and put an end to this? it would be nice :)

valentine's day is a nice movie lah, very very nice indeed. siapa kata bosan memang tak boleh geng ;p

he said ; so let me introduce you to my world, with diamonds and pearls, all a part of being my girl :D

ini bunyi dia sungguh tempting okay. what can i say, good guys are always taken. the one who's working instead of lepak-ing, the one who's spending hours making money instead of playing dota, the one with toyoto harrier instead of hey guna public je kot senang tak payah nak jem-jem, the one with enough saving to buy a house instead of sony ps3, the one who's listening instead of crappy talking. you see?

if this is about my soul -- take it, i don't want it without you.

p/s : gambar hiasan. this is not the papa bear ;p

go now and die in what way seems best to you :D

walao eh, baru saje habiskan movie marathon LOTR. ada 3 series, tiap satu tu ada 3 parts, and each one tu pulak ada kurang lebih sejam setengah -- kira lah sendiri berapa lama tak? agak lah hampir 15 jam kot, woohoo! but anw, i loveeee samwise gamgee, really. for me he's the real hero lah, not that frodo the bodoh ;p ohh btw, hey papa bear the elf / pointed ears / treebeard ; pergi belajar lah. ehehee :)

okay. terasa seperti hidup dalam gua. i need to get out more often, i supposed. but i don't think i'm ready to face them all :(